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Super Bowl Winners Feel They’re Getting Appropriate Amount Of Respect

NEW YORK-- Several New York Giants said today that they are satisfied with the amount of respect they have received from the fans and media since their Super Bowl victory, marking the first time in history a Super Bowl champion has felt appropriately respected. “I am perfectly satisfied with the level of respect we’re receiving,” said receiver Plaxico Burress. “Many folks are picking us to win our division, while others are...Full Article


Jets Acquire Brett Favre To Spice Up Slow Sports Day

NEW YORK--The New York Jets shocked the sports world on Monday when they announced they had acquired quarterback Brett Favre from the Green Bay Packers. According to Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum, the team wasn’t terribly interested in the aging signal-caller, but made the move in order to “spice up” a rather slow sports day. “I was just sitting in my office surfing the web and it was one of those really slow, boring sports days,” Tannenbaum told ...Full Article

 
 

Mariners Execute Suicide Squeeze To Pull Within 9

 

SEATTLE--The Seattle Mariners utilized some good old-fashioned small ball on Tuesday, when shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt executed a suicide squeeze to bring home runner Jose Lopez in a game against the Rangers. The perfectly executed play brought the Mariners to within nine runs.
     “That right there is an example of good old fashioned small ball,” said manager Jim Riggleman. “We’ve been working real hard on situational hitting, and in that situation we really needed to get the run across. That’s the kind of play that puts pressure on the defense. I think that’s why they were laughing at us so much. They couldn’t believe how much pressure we were putting on them.”
    The Mariners ended up losing the game 14-2. Betancourt was awarded the game ball by Riggleman for his selfless play.

 
 

Pitcher Intentionally Walks First 8 Batters To Get To Andruw Jones

 

LOS ANGELES--Giants starter Kevin Correia intentionally walked the first eight batters in a game against the Dodgers last night in order to get to Andruw Jones, who was batting ninth. Jones, who is struggling this season to the tune of a .169 batting average, struck out on three pitches, leaving the bases loaded.
        Despite walking in five runs, Correia said he had no regrets about his decision.
     “If I had to do it all over again I would probably do the same thing,” he said. “I know it sucks to have to walk in all those runs but it all pays off when Andruw steps into the batter’s box. And he didn’t disappoint. Three pitches, three strikes. It’s just too bad they pulled him out of the game because I was hoping to face him 27 times.”
     After the game, Joe Torre insisted that the 8 intentional walks were “a testament to the power of the rest of the lineup.”

   
 
 Other News

Some Guy Nobody’s Ever Heard Of Holding Out Of Camp
DENVER--Dan Greeley, some linebacker on the Denver Broncos who nobody has ever heard of, announced today he was holding out of training camp. The second year player is apparently dissatisfied with his current contract or something and wants more money. Full Article


Giants Call Players-Only Meeting To Discuss That Blonde Who Sits Behind The Visitor’s Dugout
SAN FRANCISCO--The San Francisco Giants, currently sitting in fourth place in the NL West with a 44-61 record, held a closed-door, players only meeting on Tuesday to discuss this blonde chick who sits behind the visitor’s dugout. The chick, who looks to be around 25 and has huge knockers, has become a “top priority” for the team. Full Article


Legendary Blog Commenter Signs Book Deal
AKRON, OH--Blog commenter LJ2005 has been leaving insightful, witty comments on various blogs since 2005, and now his hard work appears to be paying off as the legendary commenter has signed a book deal with Random House. The book, to be released in March of 2009, will be a compilation of LJ2005’s best comments. Full Article


Arena Bowl Winner All Excited For Some Reason
PHILADELPHIA--The Philadelphia Soul won their first Arena Bowl on Sunday, defeating the San Jose SaberCats 59-56. For some reason, they’re all excited about it.
     “Yea! We win, baby! Woohoo!” shouted QB Matt D’Orazio, who threw 7 touchdown passes in the meaningless game. “Nobody gave us a chance. Nobody said we could do it. Actually, nobody said we couldn’t do it either. For the most part nobody really talked about it because it’s Arena football. Still, it’s better than working in an office or something. I mean, most offices. Anyway, give me some more of that champagne. At least I’m going to get some free booze out of this.”


©2008 The Brushback.com® All rights reserved. The Brushback is a satire site. None of the features or stories on this site are real. All names are made up, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. All quotes are fictional and any similarity to actual quotes is coincidental.
 
 
 
 
 

Cautious Lebron James Guarantees Bronze Medal


Lazy Flyball In Manager’s Doghouse


Player To Be Named Later Excited To Be Going To Contender


 


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July 29 , 2008 - Vol 2 Issue 131
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