0-2 Bengals Admit They’re Still Reeling From Death of Steely Dan’s Walter Becker

September 15, 2017        
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CINCINNATI--After losing 13-9 at home on Thursday night to the lowly Houston Texans, the Cincinnati Bengals are searching for answers. The 0-2 team has appeared listless, sluggish, and distracted, and many people are asking why, but cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones believes he has the answer: the team is still reeling from the death of Steely Dan’s Walter Becker.
      “We just haven’t been ourselves since we heard the news,” Jones said. “It kind of blindsided us, you know? A lot of us didn’t even know he was sick, so we’re kind of reeling from it. I know for myself especially, as well as Dre [Kirkpatrick] and Carlos [Dunlap], it’s like losing a family member. He was such a major influence on us.”
      Jones and his teammates often spend hours in the locker room discussing and analyzing Becker’s music. “Oh we talk about it all the time,” said Jones. “We’re always comparing records and arguing over which ones are better. While a lot of the guys enjoy the sardonic lyrics and jazz-infused pop of Katy Lied and Pretzel Logic, I prefer the urbane melancholy of Aja. My favorite song to warm up to, though – and I know this may seem a little rote to some people – is “My Old School.” Reminds me of my college days.”
      Jones and his teammates are preparing a Walter Becker-inspired touchdown celebration, which they will perform if the team scores a touchdown this year.