January 3 - Issue 127
Reggie Sanders’ First Paycheck Bounces
January 10 - Issue 128
Ramirez Somehow Ends Up Back In Boston After 6 Player Deal
January 17 - Issue 129
Sammy Sosa Decides He May As Well Start Doing Steroids Again
January 24 - Issue 130
NOW Urges Anna Benson To Just Stay In The Kitchen
January 31 - Issue 131
Crisp Excited To Be Part Of Storied Rivalry Between Red Sox, Media
February 7 - Issue 132
Damon Disappointed To Hear A-Rod Doesn’t Swing
February 28 - Issue 135
New Manager Brings Sense Of Pessimism, Apathy
March 7 - Issue 136
Arte Moreno Sues Dodgers Over Use Of Name ‘Los Angeles’
March 14 - Issue 137
Every Single Major League Player Arrives At Camp 20 Pounds Lighter
March 21 - Issue 138
Red Sox Still Trying Desperately To Impress Bill Belichick
Kerry Wood Voted Player Most Likely To Have Surgical Procedure Named After Him
Nationals Had No Idea Soriano Was This Fucked Up
March 28 - Issue 139
Bonds Steroid Controversy Way More Entertaining Than 1998 Home Run Chase
April 4 - Issue 140
Atlanta Braves Already Dreading Postseason
April 11 - Issue 141
Bernie Williams Officially A Better Guitarist Than Baseball Player
April 18 - Issue 142
Bench-Clearing Brawls Not The Same Without Amphetamines
Last Place Royals Acting Like They’ve Been There Before
April 25 - Issue 143
AJ Burnett Thanks Lord Jesus Christ For Guaranteed Contracts
May 2 - Issue 144
Delmon Young Bat-Throw Footage Inserted Seamlessly Into Sportscenter Intro
Pre-Game Masturbation Ritual Not Sitting Well With Teammates
May 9 - Issue 145
Randy Johnson’s Rapid, Permanent Decline ‘Not a Cause for Alarm,’ Says Torre
White People Praying Black Guy Doesn’t Break Hank Aaron’s Record
Soccer Steals Baseball’s Idea Of World Tournament
May 16 - Issue 146
Pujols Apparently Missed Memo That Steroids Are Illegal
Study: Fewer Major Leaguers Quitting To Join Armed Forces
May 23 - Issue 147
Twins Fans Looking Forward To Watching New Ballpark On TV
May 30 - Issue 148
Leo Mazzone Didn’t Know Pitchers This Bad Even Existed
June 6 - Issue 149
Dontrelle Willis Jealous Of Teammate Sent To Minors
June 13 - Issue 150
Jason Grimsley Violates Baseball’s Code Of Honor By Being Honest
Royals GM Forced To Pay For Free Agents Out Of Own Pocket
June 27 - Issue 152
Guillen Promises To Keep Homophobia In Clubhouse Where It Belongs
Outfielder Runs Into Wall To Ensure Sportscenter Appearance
Little Piece Of Brian Cashman Dies With Every Jose Contreras Victory
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July 11 - Issue 153
Jeff Weaver Strikes Out All 27 Batters In National League Debut
Cubs To Punch Someone If Marlins Win World Series Again
July 18 - Issue 154
Winners Of Next Year’s All-Star Game To Be Allowed To Sleep With Losers’ Wives
Josh Beckett’s Fiery Demeanor Rubbing Off On Opposing Hitters
Giants GM To Clean House If Team Doesn’t Show Progress By 2011
July 25 - Issue 155
New York Post : A-Rod Didn’t Floss This Morning
Hillenbrand Decides He Could Kick Felipe Alou’s Ass If He Had To
August 1 - Issue 156
Contenders Hoping Shitty Pitching Can Help Them In Stretch Run
August 8 - Issue 157
Devil Rays Looking Forward To Playing Spoiler Again Next Year
August 29 - Issue 160
Many Rookie Pitchers Not Man Enough To Handle Full Season
September 11 - Issue 162
Tigers Wish They Won 10 More Games In First Half
September 18 - Issue 163
Johnny Damon Finally Gets Teammates To Try Ecstasy
September 25 - Issue 164
Steroid-Free Ryan Howard To Have Asterisk Next To His Name If He Passes Roger Maris
October 3 - Issue 165
Mitchell Investigation Now Seeking To Identify Players Who Didn’t Do Steroids
October 10 - Issue 167
Media To Take Over Day To Day Operations Of Yankees
October 17 - Issue 168
Tigers Agree To Delay World Series Parade Until After World Series
A’s Lose Four Straight In Raucous, Fun-Loving Fashion
October 24 - Issue 169
Kenny Rogers Credits Success To Severe Anger Issues
October 31 - Issue 170
Stem Cell Debate Dramatically Altered By New Jeff Suppan Commercial
November 21 - Issue 173
Mets Accidentally Trade Lastings Milledge To Three Different Teams
Nationals Putting Together Lucrative Trade Package For Alfonso Soriano
December 19 - Issue 177
Pettitte Happy To Be Finishing Career In Pinstripes Making $16 Million
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