ATLANTA--Former San Diego Chargers tailback Michael Turner signed a 6-year $34 million contract with the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday, leaving the Chargers in the dust so he could chase a big payday. Though his new teammates are excited about his skills on the field, they’re also wary of playing with such a shameless sell-out.

“I guess I have mixed feelings about this acquisition,” said receiver Roddy White. “Michael is a darn good running back, but he’s also a complete sell-out. He cares more about money than he does about loyalty. He left the Chargers hanging without a shred of shame or embarrassment. I worry that next time he’s a free agent, he’ll just go off and sign with the highest bidder. What’s the point of even having teammates if that’s going to keep happening?”

Jerious Norwood, who will split time with Turner in the backfield, promised to give his new teammate a chance, despite the fact that he sold out.

“To me, everybody has a clean slate when they come here,” said Norwood. “I’m not going to judge the guy just because he sold out. Hell, it’s not like he killed someone. He just whored himself out to the highest bidder. And he’s the one who has to live with that, not me. When I become a free agent I’m staying right here with the team that drafted me. And if they don’t want me I’ll retire, in accordance with the NFL code of honor.”

Privately, many players have voiced their displeasure with the front office for stealing a player away from another team with the lure of cold, hard cash.

“I know a lot of guys are not very happy about this,” said one player, who asked not to be identified. “We’re trying to rebuild this team and establish a sense of camaraderie, but if you’re going to go out and ‘buy’ a player, what kind of message are you sending? Does Michael Turner even know what it means to be a Falcon? Does he even care? He’s not going to have a lot of friends around here, that's for sure. Anybody who cares more about money than the sanctity of football has no place in an NFL locker room.”

Atlanta’s new coach, Mike Smith, came out in support of Turner today, claiming he has a right to do what's best for himself and his family. He also pointed out that several other players have done the same thing.

“I think it’s a little unfair to be criticizing Michael for doing what’s best for his family,” said Smith. “A lot of players leave their teams to accept more money. Of course it looks bad, but it’s part of the game. If anything, we should be flattered that he left a beautiful city like San Diego to come to a hot, parched hell-hole like Atlanta to play for a dogshit team like ours. And for a coach nobody's ever heard of.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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Michael Turner’s New Teammates Wary Of Playing With Sell-Out

March 4, 2008  Volume 2 Issue 128
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