NASHVILLE--When Titans quarterback Vince Young was selected by EA Sports to appear on the cover of Madden 2008, fans were concerned that he would fall victim to the infamous “Madden Curse” and suffer a season ending injury. Instead, it appears that the curse has struck Young in a totally unexpected way: by forcing him to play an entire season at full health with an incredibly shitty wide receiving corps.
Reporters who observed the team’s offseason workouts expressed sympathy for Young’s plight.
“Wow, talk about a curse,” said Ron Krieger of WZTV Nashville. “This is so much worse than breaking your foot or tearing a hamstring or something. This guy has to play next year with a bunch of wide receivers nobody’s ever heard of. Roydell Williams? Courtney Roby? Brandon Jones? Who the hell are these people? Do they have prior experience in the field of wide receiving? One of them actually got a pass wedged into his face mask, then ran around in circles screaming that he couldn’t see. And that guy was the captain.”
One receiver, Courtney Roby, dropped every pass that was thrown to him during minicamp, but still remained optimistic that he would learn how to catch in time for the start of the season.
“This is kind of like on the job training,” Roby told reporters afterward. “I didn’t make any catches this week but I definitely made some strides. For instance, I’m much better at running routes now. I’m no longer just running straight down the field into the tunnel. I’m doing hook patterns and slants and curls and everything else. By the time the season starts, I’ll be able to catch the ball too, or my name isn’t Courtney…what is it again? Roby? Jesus, can’t we have one receiver on this team that’s not totally anonymous?”
The Titans had a chance to sign veteran receiver Keyshawn Johnson last week, but the two sides were unable to reach an agreement. It was another stroke of bad luck for the now-cursed Young, who is already looking forward to the 2008 season, when he will have a clean slate once again.
“So I guess this is that Madden curse everyone was talking about,” Young said. “No Keyshawn, no decent receivers, and, most likely, no playoffs this year. It’s funny because I thought the curse would come in the form of an injury, but this is a new twist on things. I’ve been cursed with a front office that neglects entire positions. Damn you, John Madden! Why couldn’t you have just had a safe fall on my head or given me some kind of disease that makes me skin peel off? At least that would have been semi-bearable. ”
While the Titans have acknowledged their receiving corps is young and experienced, coach Jeff Fisher has stopped short of calling them shitty.
“I wouldn’t say we have a shitty wide receiving corps,” said Fisher. “They’re just young, that’s all. Some of them could end up being all-stars some day. Look at that Roydell Williams guy. He set some kind of record at Tulane. And Justin Gage played for the Bears for four years before coming here, so he’s the elder statesman of the bunch. I’m sure Vince will be able to make them all better. Or he could just do what he did last year and run all over the place and not pass it to anybody. Don’t laugh. It won him Rookie of the Year.”
Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
Madden Curse Strikes Vince Young In Form Of Shitty Wide Receivers
|May 29, 2007 Volume 2 Issue 96|