Pacers Miss Having Ron Artest To Blame For Everything

INDIANAPOLIS--The Indiana Pacers are struggling mightily in the stretch run this season, losing 7 of 8 and competing for one of the final playoffs spots in the east. Still, the team is refusing to point fingers, mostly because troubled forward Ron Artest isn't around anymore.

“I kind of miss the old days when Ron was here,” said point guard Jamaal Tinsley, who lost his starting job recently to Anthony Johnson. “When Ron was here we could always say that we were distracted or that we couldn’t focus on winning because it was such a soap opera. Ah, those were the days. Ron was always there when we needed someone to blame. In that sense, and in a few other senses, he was our MVP.”

Tinsley recalled many occasions when the juvenile behavior of Artest distracted from the team’s shortcomings on the court.

“We were playing really bad at the beginning of the season while that whole Ron Artest thing was going on,” said Tinsley. “We could lose by 30 points, get our asses totally handed to us, and it was like ‘Poor Pacers. They really need to get that matter resolved so they can move on and be as awesome as they are.’ Oops! Guess what? We’re not awesome. We’re just old and slow and beat up and basically finished and I’m going to do this one more time for old time’s sake: It's Ron Artest's fault. We really just need to move on from this thing.”

The problems with Ron Artest started in 2004 with his involvement in the infamous Pistons-Pacers brawl in Detroit. Artest was suspended for the rest of the season, but his team stuck by him and planned to have him back in 2005. He did come back, but requested a trade early in the season, leaving the Pacers players and management feeling betrayed.

Artest was placed on the inactive list while the team tried to deal him. It was during that time that the Pacers had an awesome excuse for sucking.

“It didn’t matter how we played at that point because we had a scapegoat, and a damn good one,” said forward Jeff Foster. “Now we’re on our own. I guess it’s good for us in a way, because it’s going to force us to be accountable. The only thing left for us to do is pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, back into the playoffs, and get throttled by a team that I would love to get traded to next year. Hint hint.”

The Pacers lowest point of the past few weeks was a 30 point loss to the Detroit Pistons, the best team in the league. If the Pacers were measuring themselves against the league’s elite, they fell far short.

“Well that was an eye opener,” said Peja Stojakovich, the forward who was acquired in the Artest deal. “30 points. That’s a lot. When I came here they all acted like a big weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They were like ‘Oh, thank God, we have closure now. Goodie!’ They were right. They definitely had closure. It’s just that we are missing some key elements here. Defensively we are borderline retarded. What we need is a big, aggressive, versatile defender who can shut down the opponent’s best shooter - and I'm not talking about that pussy Bruce Bowen, either. ”

To add insult to injury, Artest is enjoying moderate success with the Kings, are in the thick of the playoff race in the Western conference. Artest said he has no regrets about his exit from the Pacers and he holds no grudges.

“That’s just the way things went down,” he said. “I don’t have any hard feelings. It's just that I felt that if I left everybody would be happier, including me. Well I was part right. I’m happy. The Kings are happy, too. And the best part is I’m not even that crazy anymore. Hell, if somebody threw a beer at me now I’d probably just laugh and throw it back. Then I’d do something light-hearted and moon the crowd, and maybe, just to show what a good sport I am, I’d take a beer and dump it all over my own head. Of course knowing the media, they’d probably think that was crazy, too.”

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