SAN DIEGO--Across the nation,
grief stricken Americans mourned for Philip Rivers, a first round draft
pick who did not get paid his fair market value by the San Diego Chargers.
People of all ages, genders, races, and religious affiliations expressed
their solidarity with Rivers in his struggle to get exactly what he
has coming to him.
“This is a black day for America,” said Roy Fitzgerald of
Tacoma, WA, a caller to San Diego’s Mad Dog Mike Show.
“What kind of world do we live in when a highly touted draft pick
cannot get paid his fair market value by the team that drafted him?
This nation has truly lost its innocence.”
Loren Lapides of Grand Rapids, MI struggled to keep her composure as
she voiced her outrage at Chargers GM, LJ Smith.
“Mr. Smith, how could you?” she asked. “This young
man has overcome so much adversity in his life, worked his butt off
to become a top draft pick, and you spit on him like he’s some
two-bit hustler? Shame on you. It’s time all you big corporate
types start paying more respect to the working man. If you can’t
pay him more than $14 million in guaranteed cash up front, you obviously
think very little of him.”
Rivers’ story has struck a chord in the heartland of America,
where unemployment is at an all-time high and salaries at an all-time
low. The desolate farmlands of the Midwest are fertile breeding grounds
for mistrust of the corporations that care more about the bottom line
than the needs of their employees.
But the heartbreak over Rivers’ situation is not confined solely
to one region of the nation. People from both coasts and every walk
of life have come to see the young quarterback as the epitome of all
those who struggle during this time of economic hardship.
“I have three kids and I can’t get my boss to give me a
raise,” said 39-year-old Matthew Wilhelm of Keane, NH. “I
make minimum wage and my boss is up there in his big office making millions
off of my sweat. When I heard that Philip Rivers was not being paid
his fair market value by the Chargers, I could immediately relate. We
are one in the same. We are brothers. Fight the good fight, Philip.
Hold out until you get the millions you deserve, you moderately talented
quarterback.”
In some parts of the country, citizens marched in support of Rivers
in his epic battle with Chargers management. A crowd of about five hundred
gathered in Flint, MI, to protest his treatment and offer encouragement
to the embattled 22-year-old.
“You are not alone!” shouted Mildred Winneskew, 45, as she
marched in front of Flint Town Hall. “Don’t give up until
your contractual demands are met, even if it means missing the season
and alienating your teammates. What has the world come to, when a young
man is expected to play football for less than $15 million dollars up
front with bonus incentives? Is this the world we want to leave to our
children?”
Rivers, who is being called “America’s quarterback,”
has repeatedly insisted that he will not report to camp until his contractual
demands are met. His agent, Jimmy Sexton, reiterated that stance yesterday,
saying there was “no way” the Chargers current offer is
sufficient.
“Their contract offer was so low and pathetic, I almost spit on
it and threw it in the trash,” said an emotional Sexton yesterday.
“Of all the cruel, greedy, and underhanded things a human being
can do, I have to say this is the lowest. Their initial offer was a
good one million dollars less than what we wanted. I’m not surprised
that Philip’s cause is being championed by Americans everywhere.
He represents all that is good about America. It reminds of that baby
that got trapped in the well years ago. Remember her? Baby Jessica?
Yea, the whole country rallied around her and prayed for her to come
out of that well safely. Well, Philip is the new Baby Jessica, only
he’s not trapped in a well, he’s negotiating a football
contract.”
In what was perhaps the most dramatic moment in the Philip Rivers saga,
a crowd of over 1,000 people gathered outside his home in Athens, Alabama
in a candlelight vigil to offer support and strength to the young man.
Before the night was through, Rivers made an appearance on the balcony
and addressed the crowd below.
“I just want to thank everyone for their show of support through
these difficult times,” said Rivers. “My family and I have
been put through the ringer emotionally. We’ve been subsisting
on Ramen noodles, crackers, and RC Cola. I’m sure you can all
relate to that. But your strength and encouragement has inspired me
to fight harder and win this battle so all Americans can earn a decent
living wage and feed their children, and we can all get paid our ‘fair
market value.’ I can assure you all that I will not take another
penny less. I will not budge from my original demand of a $15 million
signing bonus with an incentive laden contract that could give me almost
$20 million in up-front guaranteed money. Why? Because I’m an
American, that’s why. And what’s more, I’m a professional
athlete. We can do whatever the hell we want and people will still love
us.”
This article is satire and
is not intended as actual news. Copyright 2003, The Brushback
- Do not reprint without permission |