FOXBORO, MA--Don’t look now, but the undefeated New England Patriots have just gotten a little better. In a move hailed as “ingenious,” the Pats acquired stud running back and Heisman hopeful Darren McFadden from the Arkansas Razorbacks for a sixth round pick in the 2008 draft.
Though NFL teams rarely do business with college teams, Patriots coach Bill Belichick said it made sense for both parties.
“We just needed some more depth at the running back position and we thought Darren would fit in with our system,” Belichick said today. “We'll throw him out there and see what he can do. As for the Razorbacks, they get a pick in the NFL draft, which is a huge coup if you're a college team.”
When asked if he violated league rules by making a transaction with a team that’s not even in the NFL, Belichick sidestepped the question.
“We just needed some depth at running back and we went out and made a deal,” he said in his usual monotone. “That’s it. There’s not much else to say about it. Right now we’re just focused on our next opponent, the Baltimore Ravens. They’ve got a good team over there. Tough team. Anybody have any questions about the Ravens? No. Well eat shit, then.”
Arkansas now holds a coveted NFL draft pick and must decide what to do with it. According to athletic director Frank Broyles, they don’t have many options.
“As a college team with an NFL draft pick, we’re pretty limited,” said Broyle. “There's not much we can do. In essence, we just gave away a player for nothing. Still, a sixth round pick is nothing to sneeze at. Tom Brady was a sixth round pick.”
Broyles said that Patriots VP Scott Pioli contacted him Sunday night to discuss the deal.
“Scott made it pretty clear that he was interested in getting a deal done that night,” said Broyle. “So I thought about it for a minute, and it dawned on me that even a sixth round draft pick in the NFL would probably be one of the best players on our team. So naturally I said yes. It was until later that night that I remembered college teams can’t select players in the NFL draft. I couldn’t believe it. I’d been hoodwinked! Man, those guys are smart.”
When McFadden learned of the deal, he was stunned. However, he later admitted that it was “probably for the best.”
“At first, I was just so upset that my team didn’t want me, but then I reminded myself that another team did want me, and it was the Patriots. So I think this is all going to be a great learning experience for me. I just want to know: am I getting paid? Because they said something about student athletes not getting paid.”
McFadden joined the Patriots in practice today, and quickly learned that life under Bill Belichick was going to be in stark contrast to life as a Razorback.
“Belichick likes to take us rookies down a peg,” he said. “He screamed at me today for accepting the ball on a hand-off. He was like ‘Where do you get off taking my hand-off, rookie? What the fuck does Darren McFadden know about taking hand-offs?’ Then he made the whole team do up downs while I ate a sundae. That was a good sundae, but it wasn’t worth having all my teammates hate me. Maybe if they put nuts on it or something.”
Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
Patriots Ship Sixth Rounder To Razorbacks For Darren McFadden
|November 27 , 2007 Volume 2 Issue 119|