SAN FRANCISCO--Former Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino has come out of retirement to sign a one-day contract with the San Francisco 49ers, allowing him to officially retire a member of a franchise that won 4 Super Bowls during his storied career. Marino, in an emotional ceremony, said he was happy to finally be able to retire a winner.

“This is a special day for me and my family,” Marino told the attendees. “We have always respected the 49ers organization and the 49ers way of playing football. To be able to retire a member of the team that won 4 Super Bowls during my pro career is an honor. I feel like a true champion now, even though I never technically played on any of the teams. Whatever. The strength and conditioning coach didn’t play either, and they gave him a Super Bowl ring.”

The signing brings closure for Marino to a career spent admiring the 49ers from afar.

“I guess it’s just one of those things where I felt like I was a member of the organization even though I wasn’t playing for them,” he said. “To have to retire a Dolphin was rather heartbreaking. It felt wrong. It felt incomplete. Now I’ve finally come full circle, from a player who could never win a Super Bowl to a player signing a one-day contract with a team that’s won several. Move over, Joe Montana and Jerry Rice. You’re going to have some company in the Ring of Valor or the Circle of Awesomeness or whatever the hell you call it here.”

Standing next to Marino was 49ers owner John York, who congratulated the Hall of Famer for finally “coming home.”

“After many years, Dan Marino has finally come home,” York said. “Dan, we welcome you to the San Francisco 49ers organization. You truly are one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the game. This is where you belong. Don’t worry about the fact that you’re 20 years too late and had nothing at all to do with the organization’s rise to prominence. If we all worried about that shit, half of us would even be here.” ”

Marino will be honored in a special halftime ceremony during the 49ers’ home opener on September 17th. He expects the day to be an emotional roller coaster ride.

“Oh gosh I’m going to be a basket case that day,” said Marino. “Anytime you get in front of the home crowd like that and get an ovation it’s pretty overwhelming. I’ve had a great career and been very blessed and I do feel like I’ve earned the opportunity to do one of these one-day contract stunts. I know you’re supposed to do it with a team you actually played for, but I don’t think it really matters. Either way, it’s pretty much pointless.”

In Miami, the news of Marino’s decision to retire with the 49ers was greeted with shock and resentment. Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga ordered Marino’s number un-retired and awarded to long snapper John Denney. He also ordered Marino expelled from the Dolphins Honor Roll.

“This is a stab in the back to everybody in this city and organization who supported Dan,” said Huizenga. “I really hope he rethinks what he’s doing. As of right now his number is no longer and retired and he is no longer in our Honor Roll. He’s a trader. And to think he once represented this organization so proudly in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

Marino is the second player in the past month to sign a one-day contract with the 49ers. The other was Jerry Rice, who actually played for the Niners for most of his career. Rice claimed to have mixed feelings about Marino’s second retirement.

“Well I think it’s nice for Dan because he was always a champion to me regardless of whether or not he won a Super Bowl,” Rice said Tuesday on his radio show. “It’s just strange because he never actually played for the 49ers, and that’s kind of disrespectful to the players who gave years of their life to this organization. Plus him being here, even for one day, means we’re probably not going to win the Super Bowl this year.”

 

 

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  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Dan Marino Signs One-Day Contract To Retire With 49ers

September 5 , 2006 Volume 2 Issue 58