DETROIT--Former Pistons head coach Larry Brown was arrested Monday night at the Palace of Auburn Hills after he rushed on to the court and tackled Magic forward Darko Milicic in an attempt to prevent his former player from playing another minute. Brown, who refused to let Milicic play during his coaching tenure in Detroit, was dragged off the court by security while players looked on in shock and horror.

“Wow, that was out of the blue,” said a stunned Chauncey Billups. “Coach Brown just came charging out of the stands, jumped on Darko's back and wrestled him to the ground. Then he grabbed him by the shirt and started dragging him away. Security guards ran over and tried to subdue him, but he wouldn’t leave without a fight. He actually seemed willing to go to jail in order to keep Darko off the court. So in a sense, it was pretty much the same as when he coached here.”

As he was being dragged away, Brown implored Magic coach Brian Hill to “get him the hell out of there.”

“There were four cops pulling him into the locker room, and he passed right by me on the bench,” Hill said. “He put a hand on my shirt and was like ‘Brian, get Darko out of the game. Get him out of there!’ I didn’t really know how to respond to that. Darko is a key member of our second unit. Still, the guy had a lot of conviction in his voice, so I took Darko out of the game anyway. I mean, Larry won a title in Detroit with this kid glued to the bench. Maybe he’s on to something.”

When order was restored to the game, both teams had a difficult time focusing as memories of the infamous Palace Brawl echoed through their minds.

“Obviously we were all a little flustered,” said Magic forward Grant Hill. “After that big fight here in 2004, you never want to see anybody run out on to the floor like that. I can’t tell you how terrified I was when Larry came running out. I didn’t know what was going on. Then I realized he was going after Darko and I was like ‘Oh, cool. I'm safe.’”

Milicic played under Larry Brown for two years after he was drafted by the Pistons with the second pick in the 2003 draft, ahead of such players as Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh. However, Milicic, only 18-years-old at the time, played so sparingly under Brown that he earned the nickname “The Human Victory Cigar.”

“Coach Brown has never liked Darko,” said guard Richard Hamilton. “I can’t say that I ever expected him to rush the court and tackle the kid, though. That’s Larry Brown for you, though. He’s a little bit batshit, but we love 'em. Actually, only half of that statement is true. See if you can guess which half.”

Milicic escaped the incident unscathed, but admitted to being a little shaken up.

“I’ve been through a lot in my career but I’ve never been attacked on the court,” he said. “When I felt myself being tackled, the first thing that popped into my head was ‘Larry Brown.’ I am his white whale, and he is my Captain Ahab. And you know what happens at the end of Moby Dick, right? Captain Ahab entices the whale to bite into a big underwater electrical cable and the whale goes up in flames. No, wait a minute. I’m confusing that with Old Man and the Sea. In Moby Dick Ahab uses a rifle to shoot an oxygen tank in the whale’s mouth. Whatever. I’m just saying that Larry Brown is probably going to kill me at some point.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.