Get Football Picks, College Football Picks, NFL Picks, Pro Football Picks and play Free Fantasy Football and more at PicksPal.

CHICAGO--With Chicago residents giddy over the prospect of the first place Cubs making the post season, Cubs players felt the need to remind them today that the season is not over and there is still time for them to fuck it up. The team currently sits three games in front of the Milwaukee Brewers with six games remaining and is cautiously optimistic about winning the division.

“It’s really exciting to be playing in Chicago right now,” said first baseman Derek Lee. “Still, I would advise the fans to remember who they’re rooting for. Historically, we are fuck-ups and there is still time for us to fuck this up as well. Is it likely? No. Is it possible? Yes. So I would hold off on the celebrations until we’re officially in the playoffs. I know I am. I won’t even celebrate until we have the first game of the postseason under our belts.”

The Cubs start a series against the Florida Marlins on Tuesday and then go on to play the Cincinnati Reds, two teams who would relish to play the role of spoiler.

“I know the teams were are closing out the season against would like nothing more than to break our hearts,” said Lee. “Don’t assume we’re going to roll over these guys. I can definitely see us losing a couple games, then watching the Brewers win a couple, then starting to feel the pressure and folding completely. Not that I’m not confident or anything, but I’ve made the mistake of jumping on our bandwagon before only to watch it slam into a wall and burst into flames.”

Though the Brewers have struggled in the second half of the season, they finish with a seven game home stand at Miller Park, where they are 48-27 this year. If the Brewers win all seven games, the Cubs will need to go 3-3 to force a playoff game.

“Mathematically, it’s highly unlikely that the Brewers will win all their games,” said manager Lou Pinella. “But it’s not impossible. Also, they play well at home, so they’re in the best possible position to run the table. Oh God, we’re going to be so screwed it they run the table. We’re going to fold like a house of cards. Shit shit shit. Okay, I have to relax and project an air of confidence. We are fine. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, our fans, the Marlins and Jay Mariotti.”

In order to calm his team’s nerves and get them focused for the stretch run, Pinella held a closed door meeting on Monday in which he urged the team to relax and “not fuck this up.” According to players in the clubhouse, the meeting was just what the doctor ordered.

“Lou really got us motivated with that team meeting yesterday,” third baseman Aramis Ramirez said on Tuesday. “He had a very simple message: that we are traditionally a bunch of chokers and can shed that image by not fucking up this extremely easy road to the postseason. When the meeting was over, everyone on the team was energized and confident. We were like ‘Yea! We’re not going to fuck this up!’ Plus, even if we do choke, the fans won't care because the White Sox just won two years ago and it's the same damn city.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.