LEXINGTON--Kentucky coach John Calipari, fresh off his championship season with the Wildcats, announced today that he was going pro to coach the New York Knicks. Calipari said it was a “hard decision” but he consulted with his family and decided it was the best move.

“It was a tough decision, it was a hard decision, but me and my family thought this was the best thing for me,” said Calipari. “I want to thank my teammates, my assistant coaches, [AD] Mitch Barnhart, and the fans of Kentucky for a great three years. I will always bleed Kentucky blue - or some shade of blue anyway.”

Calipari said that coaching in the NBA has always been a dream of his.

“Its always been my dream to coach in the NBA,” he said. “And now that I have the opportunity I’m going to take it. I’m sorry to all those recruits I have promised I would be here next year. I’m sure the person they get to replace me will be really good. Actually, you better hope he’s not really good if you want him to stick around.”

Calipari announced his decision to leave Kentucky in a joint press conference with Kentucky players Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Terrence Jones, Doran Lamb and Marquis Teague.  The coach credited his players with helping him make his decision.

“I sat down and talked with Anthony, Michael, Terrence, Marquis, and that other kid,  and they thought it was a good time to follow my dream of coaching in the NBA,” said Calipari. “I really appreciate their advice and guidance. In return I told them to blow town, too. Hopefully we can all be on the same team together when we get to the NBA. Yea! Pals to the end.”

Calipari did coach in the NBA before, with the New Jersey Nets, from 1996-1999.  After amassing a 72-112 record, he decided to return to college to coach the University of Memphis, after which he came Kentucky.

 The coach said he is prepared to deal with criticism stemming from his decision to leave a job he referred to as “the best job in the world.”

“Yea people are going to criticize me. I get that," he said. “I know I said this is the best job in the word and everything, and I meant it. It is the best job in the world. Now I’m going to move on to a slightly less good job that pays me more money and does not require me to spend three excruciating hours with a player's family in order to get him on the team.”

After Calipari made his announcement, he passed the microphone to his players, who made their own announcements. The end result is that the Kentucky Wildcats will be starting new next year, something Barnhart believes comes with the territory of being a big time program.

“When you’re a big time program like us, you have to expect to lose people every year,” Barnhart said. “Big deal. Kentucky is Kentucky. The school sells itself.  We’ll find more people. That reminds me – we pretty much have no team now, so anybody who knows how to play or coach basketball please shoot me an email. Thanks.”


Copyright 2012, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.






















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