NEW YORK--After a preseason brimming with optimism, the New York Knicks have come crashing down to earth, compiling a 1-3 record after their first four games. Despite their struggles, the team is refusing to point fingers at each other, and are instead pointing them at former coach Larry Brown, claiming his season-long campaign of cruelty and abuse has left them emotionally crippled.

“I think it’s clear that this team is suffering from a sense of dismay and a serious lack of confidence,” said guard Steve Francis. “It’s all Larry Brown’s fault. He was so mean and cruel and overbearing to us last year. All he did was belittle and berate us. When someone is constantly telling you you suck, it takes a pretty steep emotional toll. It’s even worse when you actually do suck, because then you’ve got to deal with that as well.”

After the unrelenting misery of the Larry Brown regime, Knicks players were excited to see Thomas take over behind the bench. Thomas is known as a player’s coach and promised to instill a more relaxed atmosphere. However, the relaxed atmosphere has not produced more victories.

“When we heard that Isiah was taking over we couldn’t have been more excited,” said guard Nate Robinson. “But now we’re 1-3 and look very much like we did last year. The only difference is that coach Thomas doesn’t scream and yell and make us feel bad about ourselves. He’s nice to us. It’ll be interesting to see how long that lasts. I say by midseason he’s calling us ‘faggots’ in a press conference.”

Despite Thomas’ encouragement, many Knicks still suffer from the belief that they can’t compete in the NBA without playing adequate defense and passing the ball.

“I still hear coach Brown in my head saying ‘Play defense, you goddamn idiot, play defense!’” said Robinson. “And sometimes when I make a bad play I can here him berating me, even while Isiah is patting me on the back. Like the other night when I shot an air ball and then stormed off the court in anger and drove home, I could almost hear him calling me a dipshit. That kind of stuff stays with you. You never forget. As long as I’m a dipshit I’ll probably be hearing that voice.”

After four games, Isiah Thomas is aware his team has some gaping holes to fill. Nevertheless, he refuses to let them succumb to the negativity and pessimism that defined the Larry Brown era.

“We’ve looked bad so far, but it’s only been four games. I’m not going to quit on these guys just yet,” said Thomas. “They can play. Marbury and Steve Francis are both all-stars, Channing Frye is a future all-star, and guys like David Lee and Renaldo Balkman are just beginning to tap into their potential. And then there’s Eddy Curry. He’s averaging 19 points per game so far. Not bad, huh? It just goes to show you what you can accomplish when you let a kid relax and stop nagging him about playing defense.”

With his job hanging in the balance, Thomas can’t afford to let the team slide out of contention in the first month of the season. If the losses keep piling up, the new coach may be forced to make some drastic changes to the lineup.

“I won’t sit around and watch us dig ourselves a huge hole,” Thomas said. “If I see the season starting to slip away I’m going to pull out all the stops. It’s my last year and I really don’t have anything to lose. I might even start Mardy Collins at point guard. Maybe I’ll start him at center. Maybe I’ll start only four guys. What’s the worst that can happen? I get fired? I’m already getting fired. I want to be fired. Being fired would help me fulfill an ambition I’ve had for a long time now: to be far away from this place when the Bulls select Greg Oden in the next year’s draft.”  

 
Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission.
This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Email Button Print screen button

 

 

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Knicks Blame Struggles On Larry Brown Being Such A Jerk Last Year

November 7 , 2006 Volume 2 Issue 68

Your Ad Here