READING, PA--Jobless man Richard Hough, 33, has developed a fierce rivalry over the past few weeks with the NBA 2K8 version of the Los Angeles Lakers. After twenty games, Hough has battled the computer-controlled Lakers to a 10-10 record, but is determined to improve on that before his unemployment checks run out.

“Anytime I go up against the video game Lakers it’s a battle,” said Hough. “Both of us are so evenly matched up it's not even funny. Not to mention that there is no love lost out there. I don’t like them and they don’t like me – to the extent that a video game can dislike you. And believe me, it can happen. The A.I. in these new games is unbelievable.”

When Hough first started playing the Lakers in NBA 2K8, he was unable to come within 20 points of the computer driven-squad. However, long hours in the game’s practice mode combined with real-time experience has leveled the playing field.

“At first it wasn’t much of a rivalry, because you can’t have a rivalry between a hammer and a nail,” said Hough. “But now I’m able to beat them on a regular basis. It feels great, especially when I’m playing them on the road and I get to silence those obnoxious, arrogant Laker fans. Eat shit, Dyan Cannon! Honestly, those people really need to get lives.”

Perhaps the most exciting contest in this budding rivalry came on Sunday, when Hough’s Dirk Nowitzki scored 37 points, including the game winner at the buzzer, to give him second straight win over the Lakers.

Hough then “went a little overboard” with his celebration, skipping around his living room while popping his shirt.

“Oh my God the adrenaline I felt during that game was just over the top,” he recalled. “I did act a little inappropriate at the end, with all the hollering and shirt popping and stuff. I knocked over a lamp, too, which pissed my mom off something fierce. She was all ‘Get a job!’ and I was all ‘I have six weeks before my unemployment runs out!’ She didn’t have anything to say after that.”

In talking about his unemployment, Hough says it was “a blessing in disguise” as he never would have been able to work on his game if he didn’t get laid off from his job at Home Depot.

“When I got laid off, I was like ‘Damn, what am I going to do now?’” he said. “But sometimes when one door closes, another one opens. If I was still working at Home Depot, I never would have become so good at NBA 2K8. Anyway, it’s off to practice mode. I gotta learn how to run in the vicinity of Kobe without being whistled for a foul.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.