OAKLAND, CA--Baron Davis of the Golden State Warriors is the proud owner of a new 2006 Cadillac Escalade. Complete with a state of the art sound system and a powerful V8 engine, the “dream ride” is worth every penny of the $70,000 sticker price. But there is one drawback: With its enormous gas tank, the Escalade releases a high amount of emissions that help contribute to global warming.

Davis, who has no plans to return the vehicle, said he wishes he knew of the facts about the Escalade ahead of time.

“It’s pretty shocking to hear how much damage these kinds of cars can do to the environment,” said Davis, whose previous vehicle was a Hummer. “It’s too late now I guess. I’ll just have to conserve. For starters, I’m no longer going to demand that my vehicles be kept running 24 hours a day. Apparently that’s irresponsible.”

Aside from conserving, Davis plans to spread awareness among his teammates about the hazards of driving oversized luxury vehicles.

“I don’t want to be part of the problem. I want to be part of the solution,” he said. “My teammates have no idea the harm they’re doing to the environment every time they fill up their gas guzzlers. It’s not like they’re scientists or anything. Hell I only found out by reading this article in Newsweek. Kudos to them for blowing the lid of this thing.”

Davis also said he would “set an example” by walking from his Escalade to the practice facility entrance, rather than hiring a town car for the trip.

“”You don’t need a town car to drive you across the parking lot,” he said. “That’s wasteful. It’s time for me to step up and lead by example.”

Nearly every member of the Warriors team drives an Escalade or some other kind of high-priced SUV. So far, none of Davis’s teammates seem bothered by his dire warnings about “the greenhouse effect.”

“Baron told me today that my Escalade is somehow making the glaciers melt,” said the 6’11 Troy Murphy, who says he can’t fit in a normal size vehicle. “I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. The glaciers are melting? Who cares? They’re cold, and ships are always smashing into them anyway. Good riddance, I say.”

Another teammate, Jason Richardson, can’t bring himself to worry about something that could happen 100 years from now.

“So apparently a hundred years from now the oceans are going to overflow,” said Richardson, who drives a custom made, 2006 Range Rover. “Let’s see. I’m 25 right now. That means I’ll be, let’s see here….hold on a sec. I’ll be…125 years old when that happens. In other words I won’t be here. Maybe Baron should worry about more immediate problems, like the fact that we’re in last place and our coach is retarded.”

Davis knows that he has his work cut out for him if he wants to raise awareness about global warming in the NBA. Nearly 80 percent of all players in the league own Escalades, and breaking the habit is going to take years. Davis’s approach is to take it one step at a time.

“See, you have to wean yourself off it,” he said. “Not everyone is going to just trade in their SUV’s right away and start driving a Prius. You need to preach conservation. You know, take a limo to that restaurant instead of your Escalade. Next time you want to go to the beach, ride your bike. And when you’re headed to the night club, don’t have your bodyguards follow you in their own personal SUV’s and keep them running while you’re inside. See, it’s the little things. As NBA players, we have the power to make a change.”

Davis added that his goal is to have 30 percent fewer Escalades in the NBA by the year 2015.

Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.