MIAMI--Referee Steve Javie saw the Heat's Dwyane Wade commit several fouls during Friday night’s Denver-Miami game, but couldn’t bring himself to blow the whistle. Like many officials, Javie has too much respect for the classy Wade to call a foul on him.

“Yea, I admit, I gave Dwyane some preferential treatment tonight,” said Javie. “I just can’t help it. I simply cannot bring myself to make a call against him. He’s just such a class act, you know? And he plays the game the way it’s supposed to be played. Guys like that come along once in a blue moon and when they do you’ve got to step aside and let them play. Hey, criticize me all you want. I have the respect of Dwyane Wade. Do you?”

Javie cited two incidents in the third quarter as examples of the admiration he has for Wade.

“D-Wade charged into the lane and knocked over a defender who had his legs planted,” Javie recalled. “It was an offensive foul all the way. But then I thought about what a great guy he is, and how well he carries himself on and off the court, and I decided not to call it. Later in the quarter he drove for a lay-up again, and this time I called a defensive foul. Nobody touched him, so I just charged it to the nearest defender. And one, baby! Yea! Unfortunately the Heat still lost the game, but it wasn’t D-Wade’s fault, and it wasn’t my fault. So I slept okay that night.”

Wade’s peers often complain about the preferential treatment he receives on behalf of the officials, but Wade says those privileges are earned through years of hard work and team play.

“When you’ve been in the league for as long as I have and you’ve had this much success, you’re going to get the benefit of the doubt,” said Wade. “Do I feel guilty about it sometimes? I suppose. But then I remind myself that I’m Dwyane Wade. I am an ambassador to the game. People love me. I even got named Sportsman of the Year by Sports Illustrated, though, truthfully,they should change it to ‘Sportsman Who is Guaranteed to Sell a Shitload of Magazines if We Slap Him on the Cover,’ because I’m the least deserving choice ever.”

Wade also criticized other players for their constant whining about officiating double standards.

“It’s ridiculous to hear all these guys blaming the referees for everything,” he said. “There’s no accountability anymore. Hey, if you don’t want to get called for a foul, don’t play legitimate defense against me. It’s that simple. You can’t get whistled unless you’re in my general vicinity.”

With their record currently standing at 9-11, the Miami Heat are struggling to regain the form that made them NBA champs last year. Though Wade refuses to point fingers at anybody, many referees are blaming themselves, and have vowed to “step up their games” in the coming weeks.

“The Heat’s current record is an indictment of all us officials,” said one veteran referee. “Obviously we’re not adequately penalizing opponents for trying to defend D-Wade, and we’re not adequately ignoring it when Wade commits a foul himself. In our defense, it can get a little complicated, especially when he’s going up against someone like Lebron James. I mean if D-Wade runs over LJ in the paint, what do you call? Do you call a foul on Lebron or a foul on Wade or no foul at all? Here’s your answer: You call one on Donyell Marshall, and give him a technical if he complains about it.”

Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.