SAN DIEGO--In another embarrassing showing at a televised golf tournament, Tiger Woods has missed the cut at the ninth annual Hack N’ Smack Celebrity Golf Invitational hosted by TV’s Kevin James. Woods missed the cut by two strokes after suffering a rare triple bogey on the eight hole and bogeying every hole on the back nine.  Celebrities who made the cut included NFL stars Drew Brees and Tony Romo, actor Michael Rappaport, singer Justin Bieber, and popular television judge Judy Sheindlin. 

Afterwards, Woods attributed his poor performance to swing problems.

“I’m still trying to get adjusted to this new swing,” Woods told reporters. “I have good days and I have bad days. Obviously today was a bad day. I just couldn’t get in the groove at all. I hit way too many bogeys, and that six putt on the par 3 really hurt me.  Plus, the guy I was playing with, Fred Savage? He was tearing it up. It was distracting.”

Woods said he planned to get with his swing coach, Sean Foley, to work out his issues ahead of his next PGA tournament, the Players Championship. Despite missing the cut in a tournament won by Ashton Kutcher, Woods still feels he is close.

“I really do feel like I’m close to figuring it out,” said Woods. “It takes years and thousands of swings to get adjusted to a new swing. I’ll get there. This is just a bump in the road.  Plus it wasn’t like I lost out on a big purse or something. It was for charity. Who gives a shit?”

Perhaps Woods’ worst moment came on the fourth hole when he drove a ball into the trees, hit his second shot into the water, and chipped his next shot into a sandtrap. Frustrated, he then attempted to break his 9 iron over his knee but failed, inspiring actor Bill Murray to mock him, much to the delight of spectators.

Woods was not amused.  

“Can I just say something about Bill Murray?” Woods said. “He’s not funny. He comes to these tournaments and he just disrupts you. Everybody laughs, but it’s really just rude. 5 or 6 years ago, I could have had him thrown off the course with a nod of my head. I could have had all you people thrown off the course! You hear me? Stop laughing, goddamit!”

Former child star Fred Savage, who made the cut by one stroke, said playing alongside Woods was an honor, despite Woods’ struggles.

“Whoa, playing a round with Tiger Woods. That was a rush,” said Savage. “I don’t care how much he struggled, this dude is an icon. Probably the most exciting part of the whole thing was giving him putting tips. I was like ‘Dude take a deep breath and relax a little, keep your eye on the ball and just guide it in there.’  Poor guy still missed. And that was on a tap in.”

Woods’ swing coach feels like he drew “some positives” from Woods’ performance at the tournament. He also downplayed the fact that me missed the cut, calling the charity tournament a “glorified practice round.”

“This was a glorified practice round,” said Foley. “He wasn’t really trying to win, just trying work out the kinks in his new swing. Don’t let the temper tantrums bother you. He does that all the time. What the guy really needs is to get laid, but you know those days are over.”


Copyright 2012, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.






















Tiger Woods Misses Cut At Celebrity Golf Tournament

May 8, 2012         
Bookmark and Share