RUSTENBERG, South Africa--The U.S. World Cup team fucked up a chance to bring the nation together on Saturday by losing 2-1 to Ghana in the Round of 16. The loss ended their short Cinderella run as well as any hopes of healing the nation’s many wounds. “Oh well, so much for that,” said Landon Donovan after the match. “We could have galvanized the nation, we could have brought a divided people closer together, we could have given all Americans, black and white, rich and poor, something to stand together and cheer for, but instead we fucked it up. What a waste of time. When does NFL training camp start anyway?” The U.S. team had briefly captured the hearts of the nation with an exciting, last-second win over Algeria but apparently blew it’s load too early.“That was a really exciting last-second goal against the Slovenians,” said Donovan. “It was electrifying. We had the whole country on our side, but we took a big old shit today and ruined everything. It’s too bad, too, because if we won our shattered nation would have been whole again. Ah, well. Fuck it.”