NEW YORK--Alex Rodriguez may have been wearing the pinstripes the past few years, but anyone who follows the team knows he was never a “True Yankee.” This year, however, Rodriguez has emerged as the best player on the team and is fast on his way to achieving that vaunted status, which he hopes to bring with him to the Anaheim Angels at the end of the season.

“One thing I’ve always wanted to be is a True Yankee,” Rodriguez said. “To be up there with guys like Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, and Jorge Posada would be a dream come true. Another dream come true would be to get the hell out of New York and sign with the Anaheim Angels, who really seem to be interested in me. Imagine the Angels current lineup infused with a bit of True Yankee-ness? They would be unbeatable! But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The season is young, and I still have to try to win a World Series with these losers before I can make a break for it.”

Rodriguez has a clause in his current contract that allows him to opt out at the end of this season and become a free agent. If he chooses to do so, several teams may be lining up to sign him, including the Angels, Cubs, Mets, and Dodgers.

“I can make a boatload of money if I become a free agent this season,” Rodriguez said. “But more importantly, I can stick it to all the fans and media here in New York. They’ve all been such pricks since I got here, just because I – gasp – had a bad playoff series or two. Sorry! I guess it’s my fault that I wasn’t here in the late 90’s when they had one of the best pitching staffs ever assembled. My bad. I blame my lack of intangibles for that.”

Last year, Rodriguez batted .290 with 35 home runs and 121 runs batted in during the regular season, but had a terrible playoff series against the Tigers, managing only one hit in fourteen at bats. Alienated from his teammates, he went into the offseason wondering if he would ever wear the pinstripes again.

Now, those same teammates are praying he returns in 2008.

“Wow was he suckie last year when it counted,” said designated hitter Jason Giambi. “He would just tense up, psyche himself out, and swing at all these terrible pitches. By the end of the season I was hoping he would pack his bags and get out of here. Now he’s hitting like Joe DiMaggio again. He looks comfortable and happy. Even the pinstripes look better on him this year. A lot better. Last year he looked all flabby for some reason, which is kinda why I stopped being into him.”

Even the New York media is warming up to A-Rod, acknowledging that he is, indeed, the best player on the Yankees and possibly one of the best players of all time.

“It’s just amazing the way that A-Rod is hitting the ball right now,” said George King of The New York Post. “I’ve never seen anything like it. He truly is one of the greats in the game. If he can hit like this in the playoffs, he’s going to be a True Yankee. A Pinstriper. A Bronx Bomber. A Titan among men. If not, it’s a one way ticket to Gaysville, population: Randy Johnson.”

While A-Rod finally appears comfortable in New York, he has his eyes on Southern California and Arte Moreno’s Angels. Moreno has expressed interest in Rodriguez in the past and has even hinted that he would like a chance to sign him if he becomes a free agent.

Rodriguez, who is flattered by the interest, says he would love the chance to play out west.

“That’s the best place for me, I think,” he said. “The weather is beautiful, the fans are laid back, the chicks are hot, even the media is pleasant. I bet I could strike out with the bases loaded and not even receive one death threat.”

“Of course, my other option is to play for the Cubs,” Rodriguez added. “Lou Pinella has always been like a father to me. Actually Joe Torre has too, but he’s more like my actual father, which sums up why I need to get the hell out of here.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.