DETROIT--The Detroit Tigers, who swept the Oakland Athletics in the ALCS and are a shoe-in to win their first World Series since 1984, have grudgingly agreed to delay their World Series victory parade until after the World Series. The team, in conjunction with the city of Detroit, already mapped out the parade route and planned to hold it Monday morning.

“The parade is being delayed,” said Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski. “We’ve talked to the city, we’ve thought about it, and we’ve decided that it’s probably best to wait until we’re formally declared World Series champs.The parade is now officially scheduled for the morning after Game 4.”

Since winning the AL wild card, the Tigers have met little resistance on their march to the World Series. Now, as they await the winner of the NLCS series, some members of the team are getting restless.

“Come on. Can we just get this shit over with and have our parade?” asked centerfielder Curtis Granderson. “I’ve already got my speech ready. I’ve even worked out a couple of dance moves. We could probably squeeze this thing in before the NLCS is even over. Oh, I know. There’s a possibly we could lose the World Series. There’s a possibility that a safe could fall on my head, too, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to leave the house.”

Tigers manager Jim Leyland, who opposed the idea of a pre-World Series parade, said his team’s confidence should not be mistaken for arrogance. They're well aware that both National League contenders could give them fits.

“We’re a confident bunch, but we’re humble, too,” said Leyland. “We know that both the Cardinals and the Mets are going to give us a real big challenge. The Cards have that Pujols guy, and, um, Chris Carpenter, and…the little guy, and the one who makes all the diving catches. And the Mets have Pedro Martinez. That guy’s a warrior. Just because these teams are in the National League doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take them seriously. The White Sox didn’t take them seriously last year and look what happened to them. Okay bad example.”

Leyland said he was concerned that all the talk of an early parade would give the opposition bulletin board material. However, when told of the Tigers’ plans, both the Cardinals and the Mets said that they weren’t surprised.

“That doesn’t surprise me at all,” said Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa. “There is an arrogance in the American League right now that’s getting out of control. They look at the National League as a glorified Triple A, a place where lousy pitchers can go to beef up their numbers. Well we’re more than that. We’re a helluva lot more than that. There are talented, hard-working guys here with a lot of heart that really believe in each other. Most of them are on the Mets, of course. We’re only here because our division was like the Cape Cod League minus the promising young prospects.”

LaRussa also predicted that the Tigers’ overconfidence would play right into the hands of their World Series opponent.

“Whether it’s us or the Mets that are going up against those guys, the best thing we can hope for is that they’re overconfident,” he said. “Go ahead. Plan your World Series parade ahead of time. Keep thinking you’re a team of destiny and nobody can even challenge you. That’s exactly the kind of thinking that’s going to soften you up for the World Series. Man, this whole thing is surreal. I just uttered several sentences about the Detroit Tigers being overconfident. I think the last time the Tigers were overconfident was...well...interleague play, I guess.”

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  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.











Tigers Agree To Delay World Series Parade Until After World Series

October 17, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 65

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