SAN ANTONIO--The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they will not even put forth on effort until the playoffs start in April. The Spurs currently sit atop the Southwest Conference and can pretty much cruise into the postseason without even breaking a sweat.

“I’m not trying anymore. That’s it. I’m done,” said forward Tim Duncan. “What’s the point anyway? We can’t suck even if we try. We can sleepwalk into the playoffs. Ooooh, so Dallas is a game behind us. What’s the worst that can happen, they take over first place? Ok fine, so we’ll be the second seed then we’ll steamroll everyone until we get to the finals. Then we have the Pistons. That’ll be a good time to start trying.”

In their first 37 games, the Spurs put forth an honest effort a staggering 22 times. Exhausted and banged up, the players are ready to take the rest of the season off.

“Whew, it has been one hell of a tough season so far,” said veteran Bruce Bowen. “I haven’t tried this much since my first year with the Heat. Do you know how hard it is to fly out to Charlotte to play the frigging Bobcats on a Tuesday night in January when you’ve won two of the past three championships? We could put four guys on the court and still win. And if we don’t? Who cares! We’re still going to be the class of the league, and they’re going to be an expansion team. Nothing against the Hornets, though. I mean the Big Cats - Bobcats! Bobcats, that's it. Nothing against those guys. ”

Coach Gregg Popovich gave the OK for the extended vacation after several players approached him about it last week’s loss against the Pistons. He hopes the time off will get them completely healthy for the playoffs.

“Obviously it’s beneficial to everybody,” said Popovich, who has won three championships with the Spurs. “After the Detroit game, our second loss to them this year, the guys were pretty spent. It was then that they decided to stop going through all that trouble during the regular season. I figured ‘why not?’ No matter how mediocre we are in the regular season we always kick the shit out of people in the playoffs. This year will be no different. Who are we playing next? Milwaukee? Boring! Start the playoffs already.”

Other teams in the Spurs’ division were surprised by their decision to stop trying. They were even more surprised than their decision to declare it publicly.

“That’s strange. I’ve never seen anything like that,” said Rockets forward Juwan Howard. “I guess they have a right not to try if they want, but I would never have said that publicly. I mean, at least pretend to try. That’s what I would do. Boy I wish I was on a team that didn’t have to try. It’s every player’s dream. That and winning a championship, of course.”

The Spurs will begin not trying Wednesday night against the Milwaukee Bucks. The Bucks are a much-improved team over last year, but that isn’t fazing San Antonio one bit.

“Milwaukee has a good little team this year,” said Duncan. “I’m very impressed with the group of players they’ve assembled. If this were the playoffs, we would be totally pumped up about playing them. Yes! We would be so pumped up! But it’s only the regular season. It’s totally inconsequential. And since coach Popovich is always saying that anyone who doesn’t want to bring his ‘A’ game shouldn’t even bother showing up, I might not bother showing up.”



Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.











Spurs To Not Even Bother Trying Until Playoffs

January 17 , 2006 - Volume 2 Issue 26