NEW YORK--Civil rights activist Al Sharpton took to the airwaves today and demanded Dana Jacobson apologize to the black community for some reason. Jacobson, host of ESPN's First Take, made some offensive remarks at a roast recently about Notre Dame University, none of which had anything to do with black people.

Nonetheless, Sharpton urged her to “make good” with the black community.

“She offended the black community,” Sharpton said this morning on Keepin’ It Real. “She needs to come on the air and offer an apology. Only then can we begin the healing process.”

Sharpton compared Jacobson to Don Imus, citing her as another example of the “ignorance and intolerance” that exist in the white media.

“First it's Don Imus, then it’s Dana Jacobson,” Sharpton said. “Too many people think they can come onto our public airwaves and disparage black people. We have to send a message that they can’t. And no, I don’t care that she wasn’t actually on the airwaves. I don’t even care what she said. I don’t even know what she said. All I know is that somebody said something, and they’re gonna pay for it.”

Sharpton extended an invitation to Jacobson to appear on his show and plea for forgiveness.

“I invite her to come onto my show and grovel at my feet,” he said. “I will listen to what she has to say and then hand down her sentence, which will probably involve more apologizing and more groveling and less dignity-having. Hey, at least she’s not Michael Richards. That dude said the ‘n’ word in public. He might as well have put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Whoa, I almost said the ‘n’ word myself right there. That’s it. We’re holding a funeral for the word trigger.”

Jacobson already issued an on-air and written apology for actions and is reluctant to make another. However, sources at ESPN said she may be forced to apologize directly to black people in order to placate Sharpton.

“Al is a tenacious guy and a very persistent guy,” said the source. “He can really make your life miserable. For that reason, we’re probably going to make Dana do a little dog and pony show for the black community. It’s easy. You just do the whole ‘I’m sorry for being insensitive,’ ‘anybody who knows me knows that’s not who I am,’ ‘that’s not what’s really in my heart,’ etc, etc, and then we send Al Super Bowl tickets and then the healing can begin.”

On Tuesday, Sharpton urged African-Americans to protest outside the studio where First Take is taped, and the result was a loud but peaceful demonstration on the street. Police estimated the crowd to be around four people.

“The crowd was just here to make their voice heard,” said police officer Lance McCulloughs. “They were very peaceful. They just kept chanting ‘Justice not Racism,’ and holding up these little signs, and then after a while they left. As civil rights demonstrations go, it was pretty tame. But I do think they sent a message that racism is bad. It’s also highly entertaining when Al Sharpton gets involved.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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Sharpton Demands Dana Jacobson Apologize To Black People For Some Reason

January 29, 2008  Volume 2 Issue 124
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