WASHINGTON, DC--The Washington Redskins' head coaching search is under way and it looks like the team has already found its man in former Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan, who is said to have an agreement to take over the team next season. Questions has been raised, however, about the Redskins’ compliance with the Rooney Rule, but team officials have pointed out that Shanahan’s skin has a distinct orange hue, making him, technically, a “person of color.”
“The team has complied with the Rooney Rule to the letter of the law by interviewing Mike Shanahan,” said one team official. “I don’t see how there can be any disagreement on this. Mike's face is the color of a basketball, which makes him, by anybody’s standards, a minority.”
The official said noted that there are currently no orange coaches in the league, making the imminent hiring of Shanahan “a milestone.”
“We should be lauded for hiring someone of Mike’s skin color,” said the official. “Look around the league. There are 32 head coaches and none of them are orange. That’s simply unacceptable. What we’re trying to do is right a wrong here. And of course we’re getting resistance from some small-minded people. Now I know what Branch Rickey must have felt like.”
In addition, Shanahan’s skin tone closely resembles the team’s namesake, said the official.
“The course, sun-damaged, leather-like appearance of Mike’s skin calls to mind the great Native American chiefs after which this team has been named,” he said. “Of course, Mike is not Native American and his skin is only like that because of over-exposure to tanning booths but still, with a few feathers and some war paint, you could definitely see the guy chasing down a bison or tripping on peyote in a smoke-filled tepee.”
The league apparently agrees with the Redskins. In an interview with NBC’s Andrea Kremer, Commissioner Roger Goodell said he spoke with John Wooten, chairman of the Fritz Pollard Alliance, and he gave his blessing to the Shanahan interview.
“I spoke to all interested parties and everybody is fine with this interview,” said Goodell. “And of course they’re going to hire the guy. If there’s one thing Dan Snyder likes, it’s big names that cost big money and are totally overrated. Mike fits that bill perfectly, though in that regard he certainly isn’t a minority.”
Copyright 2009, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
Redskins Comply With Rooney Rule By Interviewing Orange Mike Shanahan
|December 28 , 2009|