Defenders Now Just Covering Randy Moss To Be Polite

MIAMI--After yet another Sunday in which defenders inexplicably focused their attention on the ineffective Randy Moss, it was revealed that many defensive backs simply cover the veteran receiver to be polite.

Dolphins corner Vontae Davis was the first to come clean.

“Yea, Randy isn’t really the player he used to be,” said Davis, following Sunday’s victory in which he held Moss to one catch. “He doesn’t really command double teams anymore. But we still cover the hell out of him anyway just to be polite. I mean, he’s Randy Moss. I’m not about to leave him open to cover frigging Nate Washington. He deserves better than that.”

Davis, a second year player out of Illinois, was shocked at how easy Moss was to cover when he first came into the league.

“I couldn’t believe how easy he was to cover my first time out,” said Davis. “I actually brought my iPhone out to the field and started texting my friends while I was running with him. I was like ‘I’m covering Randy Moss, bitches! What are you doing? ’ Then I did a somersault. I don’t think you could have done stuff like that five, six years ago.”

When the New England Patriots faced Moss just two weeks after trading him to the Vikings, coach Bill Belichick devised an infinitely complex game plan to take his former receiver out of the game. Though team sources say he only did it to be nice, Belichick insisted Moss was a “difficult assignment.”

“He's a very difficult assignment for our secondary,” said Belichick. “If you try single covering him, he'll burn you. Just watch some game film from this year. He's amazing. He hasn't lost anything. Excuse me? Why did we get rid of him? Um...because he was so good he was intimidating to have in the locker room?”

Devin McCourty and Brandon Meriweather, two Patriots corners tasked with double teaming Moss for most of the the game, described the situation as “awkward.”

“It was super awkward when we were pretending to double team him,” said McCourty. “We were just like ‘Okay. what do we do now? He’s not really running anywhere.’ But we kept doing it anyway just to show the guy a little respect. Plus, hey, anything can happen out there. He could still hurt us if a pass accidentally gets wedged into his facemask while he’s standing around in the end zone.”