CHICAGO--The already tense relationship between Florida Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and manager Joe Girardi took a turn for the worse on Monday when Loria discovered that Girardi had insulted his mother. The source of the information? Cubs GM Jim Hendry, who has Girardi at the top of the list of candidates to replace manager Dusty Baker in the offseason.

“Dude, I don’t mean to start trouble or anything, but Joe Girardi has been saying shit about your mom,” Hendry reportedly told Loria in a phone conversation on Monday. “I bumped into him the other day and he was like ‘When Jeffrey’s mother sits around the house, she really sits around the house.’ I told him that was really childish, but he wasn’t finished. He went on to say – and this is hard for me to repeat – that she’s so ugly, the kids dress up as her for Halloween. Isn’t that awful? I wouldn’t want that guy managing my team. He certainly isn't representing the Florida Marlins very well.”

Upon hearing the news, Loria immediately became enraged. He also became perplexed, as Girardi doesn’t seem like the mother-insulting type.

“When my friend Jim related that story to me I just couldn’t believe it,” Loria said. “Of all the mean, low-down things to say. And it’s so out of character for Joe. We’ve had our differences, but he’s never been that crude and insensitive. I guess this is the final nail in the coffin for our working relationship. Goodbye, Joe Girardi, and good luck finding a job after this. Your reputation is in tatters, my friend.”

Loria has had a contentious relationship with Girardi ever since hiring him to manage the Marlins last year. Recently, rumors have swirled that Loria was planning to fire Girardi at the end of the season, though neither party has commented on the matter publicly.

Many observers believe that if Girardi is fired, the Cubs would be first in line for his services. Girardi, a native of Illinois and former Cubs player, is considered to be one of the brightest young minds in the game.

“If the Marlins fire Joe, he’s going to have no trouble at all finding another job,” said one National League GM. “He’s done an amazing job with the Marlins this year, and given a team with some real veteran talent, he can probably go to the playoffs. Everybody knows that the Cubs are at the top of the list of suitors. They would love to have him, although that might change now that he's been saying all that stuff about Loria’s mother.”

Some of Girardi’s players have spoken out on their manager’s behalf and are accusing Hendry of purposely trying to sabotage his relationship with the Marlins ownership.

“That’s bullshit. There’s no way Joe would say that crap,” said second baseman Dan Uggla. “Everybody knows that the Cubs are foaming at the mouth to hire Joe and they’re trying desperately to get him fired from the Marlins. And everybody knows that Joe is one of those holy rollers who would never disrespect someone’s mother. The only person I’ve ever seen Joe disrespect was an umpire, and that was over a bad call - in his favor. He just couldn’t stand the injustice.”

Girardi also spoke out about the allegations. The rookie manager, who almost never speaks publicly about private conflicts, said he had no recollection of any conversation with Jim Hendry.

“I don’t know what Jim is talking about,” said Girardi. “Everybody keeps saying he’s trying to get Mr. Loria to fire me so he can hire me in the offseason. Well whatever. If that’s the kind of guy he is, maybe I don’t want to work for him. All I know is I never said anything bad about Mr. Loria's mother. She is a little chunky, though, I have to admit. I heard she went to the beach one day and Greenpeace tried to drag her back into the water.”

  Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.