Jeff Garcia has been dogged by rumors about his sexuality for years.
The single 34-year-old now faces a new allegation, this time for former
teammate Terrell Owens, who implied that Garcia was gay in an interview
with Playboy. Owens insensitive comments have sparked outrage
throughout the homosexual community, and organizations such as the Gay
and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLADD) have thrown their full
support behind Garcia, even though Garcia would prefer they tone down
their support and stop associating with him.
“I just want to say that the people from GLADD are very, very
nice people,” said Garcia at a press conference yesterday. “They
have supported me 100 percent, and always come to my defense when someone
makes an allegation about my sexuality. That being said, I’d rather
they just leave me alone. I’m trying to prove I’m straight
here, and this isn’t helping.”
GLADD has made Jeff Garcia the modern day poster boy for gay rights.
The organization has a link on its website where fans can send a message
of support for Garcia, and has recently sent a letter to the NFL demanding
disciplinary action against Terrell Owens. Garcia appreciates their
kindness, but would rather keep a low profile in regards to his sexual
“It was awfully nice of them to speak out on my behalf and call
me the—ahem—poster boy for gay rights, but really, it’s
a little much,” said Garcia. “I’m not gay, and I really
have no connection with these people. I wish they would stop sending
me letters and invoking my name. They should focus their efforts on
players who actually are gay—like Kellen Winslow Jr. Just kidding.
Kellen doesn’t have any repressed homosexuality buried beneath
that macho exterior. Nope. None at all”
A spokesman for GLADD said the organization does understand that Garcia
is heterosexual. However, he has been a victim of the culture of homophobia
that pervades the NFL. Therefore, the group considers him on of their
“Jeff is a really perfect example of how professional sports tolerate,
and even encourage, sexual discrimination,” said Steve Fischer,
director of GLADD. “Why should he constantly have to answer questions
about his sexuality? Does it really matter if he’s straight or
gay? It doesn’t matter to us. That’s why we’ve adopted
him as one of our own. He’s sort of like an honorary homosexual.
A title like that should command respect in the locker room.”
The problem for Garcia is that the support of the gay community has
drawn unwanted attention to his sexuality. He’d rather have Owens’
comments fade into memory than inspire some crusade on his behalf. Garcia
is already inundated with letters of support from homosexuals, many
of whom assume that he is gay.
“You should see the letters I get. People are so very nice and
supportive,” said Garcia. “Unfortunately, I think most of
them are missing the point, which is that I’m not gay at all.
One lady sent me an email saying ‘Wear your sexuality with pride,
young man. Be gay, be proud, be strong!’ It was a nice sentiment,
but it didn’t really apply to my situation. One guy sent me a
letter that said ‘As a gay man, let me say that I am right behind
you all the way.’ Oh great, a gay man ‘right behind me.’
That’s a disturbing image.”
The most embarrassing moment for Garcia came when he received an award
from GLADD two years ago while playing in San Francisco. The award arrived
during another period when Garcia was subjected to rumors about his
sexuality. GLADD publicly defended Garcia’s right to privacy,
and presented him with its second annual Rainbow of Courage Award. Since
he refused to show up for the ceremony, the award was sent directly
to the 49ers, where it was hand delivered to Garcia in the locker room.
“Oh, that was a great moment,” said Garcia, rolling his
eyes. “I get this goddamn package in the mail, and everyone is
standing around watching me open it, and it turns out to be this award
from GLADD. It was a big, gay rainbow with the word ‘GLADD’
written on it. I had to tell all the guys that it was a courage award
from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance. Then I had to explain to them that
I’m not gay, they just support me because of all the shit I put
up with. Anyway, I don’t think they believed me. Not that I blame
them. I mean, I do have kind of an effeminate voice.”
As for Owens, he has kept a low profile since making the controversial
comments about his teammate. However, he did comment before practice
on Sunday that he wasn’t trying to offend anybody with his statements.
He was simply speaking his mind.
“Truthfully, I don’t know if the guy is gay or not,”
said Owens. “That’s his business. I was just answering a
question posed to me by someone in the media. And I certainly don’t
feel the need to take back what I said. I meant it. If it looks like
a rat and smells like a rat, it’s probably a rat. In other words,
I’m a homo.”
This article is satire and
is not intended as actual news. Copyright 2003, The Brushback
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