Lebron Worried Game 5 Performance May Hurt His Global Brand

CLEVELAND--Lebron James laid an egg Tuesday night against the Boston Celtics. Scoring just 15 points on 4-16 shooting, the Chosen One failed in one of the biggest games of his career. In a post game press conference, he admitted to being concerned that the poor performance may hurt his global brand.

“After a game like that there is a concern that the Lebron James Global Brand has been tainted,” James said. “It’s very important that my business partners

and clients view me as an unstoppable force of awesomeness, and that performance certainly did not reflect that. It’s up to me to perform better in Game 6 and ultimately win this series for the city of Cleveland so that my brand will remain the lucrative powerhouse that it is.”

James, who has business ties all over the world, attempted to soothe his investors' fears with a promise to play with more intensity on Thursday night.

“I will come out with more intensity. I will be more aggressive,” he said. “I just want everybody to know that, especially my teammates, coaches, the city of Cleveland, and most importantly, the wonderful people in the U.S., China and elsewhere that have invested in King James in an attempt to secure my rightful place as a Global Icon.”

James concluded the press conference by insisting he knows what is on the line in Game 6: millions of dollars in investment money as well as international recognition of the Lebron™ brand.

“It’s all on the line for Game 6,” said James. “If we get eliminated from the playoffs, I’ll miss out on the biggest stage of them all, the NBA Finals. Hopefully my teammates will step up as well. Guys, I cannot become a worldwide, billion-dollar, powerhouse mogul without winning at least one championship. So jump on my back and let’s do it! Victory!”

Coach Mike Brown said his team played uninspired ball in Game 5 and implored them to match the Celtics’ intensity in Game 6. He also acknowledged that James’ brand was in peril, but stressed that team success is more important.

“I’ve talked to Lebron and he is as upset as anybody right now,” said Brown. “And I understand why. I really do. But I would hope that he would step back and see that winning a championship is its own reward. I don’t give a flying fuck about his global brand, personally, because I’m going to be fired if we don’t win this thing – which is kind of liberating, actually, because it means I don’t have to kiss his entitled little ass anymore.”

On Wednesday morning, a rested, refreshed Lebron had a slightly more optimistic take on his situation.

“I’m not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself,” said James. “I’m just going to keep reminding myself and my teammates that no matter what happens on Thursday, I still have a lot of money and fame and I could buy and sell everybody in this stinking room a million times over. Don’t you people forget that. I am the King.™ Can you put a little “TM” next to that when you print it? Thanks!”