BRISTOL, CT--ESPN football analyst Michael Irvin today refuted a rumor that he has been contacted by the University of Miami regarding their head coaching vacancy. Irvin, a former standout at Miami, also started the rumor, by emailing Dan Lebatard of the Miami Herald.

Lebatard said he received the message anonymously, but knew immediately it was from Irvin.

“I got a very cryptic email that said the University of Miami was interested in hiring Michael Irvin to coach their football team,” said Lebatard. “It was addressed ‘to whom it may concern’ and it said an ‘inside source’ had confirmed the team’s interest, and it was signed ‘anonymous.’ It was all very Deep Throat-ish, except the email address was 'MichaelIrvin@espn.com.’ See, that tipped me off right there. I guess he forgot he was dealing with a highly trained professional sports journalist.”

After reading the email and determining it was from Irvin, Lebatard sent a response.

“I asked him why he would bother sending that email and why he didn’t just identify himself up front,” said Lebatard. “He said he didn’t know what I was talking about. He said he had no discussions with Miami about the job, and that he was flattered but perfectly happy with his job at ESPN. Whatever you say, Mike. I guess he just wants people to think Miami would actually consider hiring him. How pathetic. Regardless, I did run a story the next day titled ‘Irvin Refutes Miami Coaching Rumor.’ Hey, it was a legitimate story. He did refute it.”

The Herald story led to a flurry of speculation that Irvin was in the running for the Hurricanes head coaching vacancy. Irvin has denied the rumor at every turn and even spoke about it during last week’s broadcast of Sunday NFL Countdown.

“Let me just make on thing clear,” said Irvin, after he was asked about the rumor by co-anchor Steve Young. “I have a special place in my heart for Miami, and I’m flattered to hear my name mentioned as a candidate, but I am simply not interested in taking over the job. I love what I do here on ESPN and I love working with these guys here. Obviously being mentioned in the same breath as people like Steve Spurrier and Greg Schiano means a lot to me, but no. No thanks. My work with ESPN is too sacred for to me to abandon it now.”

When asked if he was directly contacted by Miami, Irving refused to comment.

“I’m not going to talk about what was said, or who called who, or who didn’t call who, or whatever,” he said. “I’ll just say that there’s no truth to the rumor that I will be taking that job. Did Donna Shalala send me a personal letter begging me to take the job? I’m not going to comment on that. I’m also not going to comment on the rumor that she showed up at my doorstep one night in the pouring rain and got on her knees and begged me to lead Miami football back to glory. That's nobody's business if it did happen, which it did, if you believe the rumors. But I'm not commenting on the rumors.”

Shalala, President of the University of Miami, admitted there were several candidates for the school’s head coaching vacancy, but said that Irvin wasn’t one of them. In fact, she denied ever talking to the controversial former wide receiver.

“I haven’t had any contact with Michael Irvin about the job,” Shalala told the Miami Herald yesterday. “I think he just wants people to think he’s on the list, because he’s hearing all these other names and he’s a big, famous alum and he feels left out. In fact, I actually got an email from him telling me he was not interested in the job. I responded that he was not a candidate. Then he responded that I should stop emailing him because he’s not interested. We went back and forth like that for a while. Eventually I kind of wanted to hire him. He seems to really want the job, which separates him from every other candidate I've talked to.”

Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.