KANSAS CITY, MO--The Kansas
City Chiefs today announced a new strategy for repairing their struggling
defense: the power of positive thinking. The defense, which was ranked
last in the league a year ago, remains virtually unchanged. Instead
of drafting young defenders and signing free agents, the team left the
roster alone. Now that it’s too late to make any significant player
upgrades, the Chiefs will simply hope with all their hearts that the
defense improves.
“I think this is the perfect solution to our problem,” said
GM Carl Peterson. “We’re not gonna sit on our hands and
be passive here. The defense is broken and needs to be fixed. And we’re
just gonna concentrate, visualize ourselves playing better, and hope
that it does the trick. If the guys feel better about themselves, they’ll
play better. You just watch. This is going to change everything.”
Peterson does not believe the team’s problems are personnel related.
Though he did hire a new defensive coordinator in Gunther Cunningham,
he was widely criticized for failing to upgrade his roster. Peterson
believed that if the defense came into this season with a new attitude
and fresh outlook, they would magically transform into a top-notch unit.
So far he’s been wrong, as the Chiefs defense looked like its
old ineffective self in Sunday night’s season opener against the
Broncos.
“That was a tough game, but we’re going to put it behind
us,” Peterson. “We’re going to do much, much better
next week. You know why? Because I’m hoping for the best, that’s
why.”
The team is following Peterson’s lead. Every player is really
hoping that things turn out better for the defense. They’re hoping
that interceptions suddenly fall into their hands and running backs
fall down at their feet. They’re also hoping that they can somehow
get some pressure on the quarterback, even though they have no dominant
pass rusher.
“I hope all these things happen. I really do,” said linebacker
Shawn Barber. “We are not a very talented bunch, so we’re
going to just hope things turn out well for us. We’re all thrilled
to be here and very excited and we feel that enthusiasm is going to
carry over into next week. Actually, we know the enthusiasm is going
to carry over to next week. We just hope that enthusiasm is enough to
help us win because we certainly don’t have any talent.”
According to some coaches, the positive thinking and enthusiasm have
already started to affect the team’s practices.
“Wow, guys are really excited right now,” said Gunther Cunningham.
“You can see it in their eyes, in the way they carry themselves—there’s
really a spring in their step. Guys are high fiving each other, laughing,
smiling, and thinking extremely happy thoughts. They still can’t
play defense though. It took three guys to take down a tackling dummy
yesterday.”
The coaches are not panicking, however. They’re still convinced
that the team’s new positive mind set will solve all of their
problems.
“We’ll get better. We’ll get better. We’ll get
better” said Vernon Dean, defensive backs coach. “I keep
repeating that to myself. Eventually it’s going to come true.
See, some teams go the conventional route, and actually replace those
bad players with better players. But our front office likes to think
outside the box. They really like to think outside the box.
In fact Carl wanted to waive a few of our defensive players and their
backups in the offseason. He was actually willing to put ten men on
the field. Then we really would’ve had to think positive. At that
point, I would've had to come to practice drunk.”
The power of positive thinking is pretty uncommon in the football world.
Most NFL coaches s are surly and mean spirited, and use fear and discipline
to get the most out of their players. That’s another reason why
the Chiefs approach is a breath of fresh air.
“The negative approach is very popular among NFL coaches,”
said head coach Dick Vermeil. “And I can understand the merits
of self criticism and tough love, but I don’t think that’s
really going to help us. You do need some semblance of talent in order
for that to work. So we’re just going to do the same things we
did last year with the same people and hope this time around it magically
works out. Isn’t that a great strategy? It certainly is refreshing
to see so many happy faces focused on staying upbeat. But honestly,
I’d trade all this positive thinking for one damn stop on third
down.”
With this roster, he may not get his wish. The defense has looked awful
since training camp and there is nothing to indicate that they will
improve. If the team finishes the year last in defense again, Peterson
has vowed to take action.
“Next offseason will be a little different than this one if our
defensive unit is still struggling,” said Peterson. “As
a GM, you’ve got to take action. I may consider hiring a motivational
speaker to get team pumped up before every game. I may even consider
giving them some ecstasy on Sundays. That stuff always makes you think
positive. Come to think of it, maybe we should give some to the fans,
too.”
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