MINNEAPOLIS--The Vikings jettisoned unhappy receiver Randy Moss this offseason in hopes of improving team chemistry. Two weeks into the season, it looks like the experiment worked. The 2005 Vikings have such great chemistry that they’ve even started to enjoy losing, something they’ll probably be doing a lot of this year.

“I can’t tell you how much different it is around here,” said quarterback Daunte Culpepper. “It’s like a big weight has been lifted from our shoulders ever since Randy left. When he was hear everyone was walking on eggshells. Now we’re just loose and having fun. That game against the Bengals was a blast, man. I'm just having a lot of fun playing the game right now.”

The Vikings have lost their first two games, turning the ball over 12 times in the process. Daunte Culpepper has looked lost, and their new, expensive defense has been a failure. Still, it’s all fun and games in the Vikings clubhouse.

“I never knew it what it felt like to be on a team with good chemistry, a team of guys that really pulls for each other,” said running back Michael Bennett. “I know our offense is terrible right now, and our defense is completely ineffective, but we're not going to worry. If this was last year there would be a lot of tension and finger-pointing. I'm glad that's over, because some of those fingers would probably be pointing at me.”

An example of the team’s camaraderie came Sunday night after their 37-8 drubbing at the hands of the Bengals. Culpepper threw five interceptions, but his teammates didn’t get down on him. Instead, they gave him some words of encouragement.

“Poor Daunte threw the game away, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to get down on him,” Bennett said. “We’re going to give him our support. No matter what happens, he’s still a great quarterback. There's no reason to hang your head. I just keep reminding him to look at the bright side: Mike Tice is going to be fired soon. We're a few tantalizing weeks away from having a legitimate head coach.”

Mike Tice is indeed on the hot seat. The Vikings were a trendy pick to win the NFC this year, and the blame for the team’s failures has been placed squarely on Tice’s shoulders. All he can do now is try to stay focused and get his team back on track.

“I’ve heard all the talk about me being on the hot seat,” Tice told reporters yesterday. “I can’t pay attention to that. I’ve got to get this team ready to play every week. There are a lot of new guys on the roster now and they’re still getting used to the system. It’s difficult because there were so many plays designed for Randy Moss that don’t work anymore. For instance, when we run a Randy slant, the pass just falls to the ground because Randy’s not there. Wait a minute…we should just have another guy run the pattern in his place, then he can catch the ball. Holy shit I have to go write that down! I just made my first adjustment!”

Tice’s situation is complicated by the fact that the team has a new owner. Zygmunt Wilf, a New Jersey-based businessman, purchased the team last year from Red McCombs. He is itching to make some changes, and Tice could be the first causality.

When reached for comment, however, Wilf said he had no plans to fire the coach.

“Mike Tice is our head coach and I have full confidence in him,” Wilf said. “Two games is not enough time to gauge where a team is going. I’m still expecting to turn this thing around. Take it from me, an Orthodox Jewish shopping-mall magnate. I know football.”

There may be a lot of turmoil surrounding the franchise these days, but the Vikings can handle it. The relaxed, laid back attitude in the locker room is a reminder of just how important team chemistry can be.

“We’re not the same team we were in years past,” said Culpepper. “The difference is like night and day. There’s no more bickering on the sidelines, no more controversy, no more beautiful long passes into the end zone, no more offensive game plan. No more wins, either. Those days are over, and from the looks of it, they're not coming back anytime soon.”

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Vikings’ Improved Chemistry Makes Losing Fun

September 20, 2005 - Volume 2 Issue 9