PHOENIX--The Suns’ Steve Nash was raised in Victoria, British Columbia and is a card carrying citizen of Canada. Despite those obstacles, he has managed to elevate himself to the best all around player in the NBA, winning two consecutive MVP’s and rapidly closing in on a third. Nash believes his success is proof that anybody, even people from Canada, can lead productive lives as long as they work hard and believe in themselves.

“Succeeding in life is all about attitude and determination,” Nash said on Monday . “A lot of people think, ‘He’s from Canada. He’s got no chance of ever being a useful member of society.’ While I can understand that sentiment, I also have a strong work ethic and a stubborn refusal to let my ‘disability’ get in the way of my dreams. Hopefully l can show other Canadians that they, too, can live normal lives, despite being unwashed, frostbitten Neanderthals.”

When Nash first came to the states to play basketball at Santa Clara University, he was both ostracized and pitied by his teammates, who couldn’t grasp how a person from Canada could make a reasonable contributions to anything. However, by the time his freshman year had ended, Nash had erased all doubts and become “just one of the guys.”

“It was very difficult for me to prove to the rest of the team that I was worthy,” Nash recalled. “I was basically treated like that retarded kid in Radio. Guys were trying to teach me how to tie my shoes, how to brush my teeth, how to conduct myself in social situations, and how to remember to put clothes on before I left the house. I wasn’t offended by it at all, because they were just trying to be nice, and also because I really did need the help, being Canadian and all.”

After a few months, Nash impressed his teammates with his ability to assimilate into normal society as well as his unparalleled skills on the basketball court.

Dick Davey, Nash’s coach at Santa Clara, said Nash taught them all a valuable lesson.

“Steve taught us that you can overcome any obstacle with hard work and determination,” said Davey. “That’s why, to me, he's always been the Lance Armstrong of basketball. Because of him, millions of Canadians have been inspired to make something of their lives. Most of them will fall flat on their face, of course, but that’s not the point. The point is Steve has somehow convinced these maniacs that their lives are worth living, which is more impressive than any behind-the-back pass or buzzer beater I’ve ever seen.”

Nash recently started a charity foundation called “Canada Can,” to encourage Canadians to step out into the world, interact with other humans, and get menial jobs at large chain department stores or donut shops.

He hosted a charity event for the foundation last weekend in Phoenix, which raised $150,000 and included a heart wrenching video depicting various Canadians trying to make it through their daily lives.

“That was tough to watch,” said Suns’ forward Shawn Marion, who attended the event. “It made me realize that these – ahem – ‘people’ should be helped, not ostracized and beaten up. And seeing Steve work his magic has made us all believe that even Canadians can live lives of imagination and purpose. It’s just one more social barrier that is being broken down. Next, we have to prove that basketball fans from Dallas and San Antonio shouldn’t all be rounded up and shot into outer space.”

With Nash on the verge of winning his second MVP, the last remaining question seems to be whether someone from Canada can win an NBA championship. Despite his success, many scouts believe the answer to that question is a resounding “no.”

“It’s one thing to win the MVP, but winning a title is completely different,” said one NBA scout. “I love Steve and I really admire the things he’s doing for his countrymen, but a Canadian winning an NBA championship is like a guy in a wheelchair winning the MLB triple crown. Still, he should be proud of what he’s accomplished so far. Just the fact that he can leave his house every day without wandering into traffic or falling into a well is impressive in and of itself. He's a true inspiration. ”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.