LEXINGTON, KY--Kentucky’s Anthony Davis, the consensus number one pick in the upcoming NBA draft, is reportedly planning to “tank” during the SEC and March Madness tournaments in order to avoid being picked by the Charlotte Bobcats. The Bobcats are currently 4-31 in the Southeast division and have a 25 percent change of winning the draft lottery.
“Oh, he’s definitely going to tank,” said one person close to Davis. “He’s planning to miss some open shots, screw up some defensive assignments, and generally convey a listless, lackadaisical attitude in order to avoid being the first pick. Hey, criticize him all you want, but three or four years from now when he’s leading the Sacramento Kings in their revival, you won't be laughing at them - though you'll still be laughing at the Maloofs. At least I will be.”
Davis, a freshman, has had a phenomenal season for the Wildcats, and is a favorite to win Player of the Year. An unrivaled force in the middle, he blocks more shots than entire teams.
But his excellence has put him in a difficult position.
“It’s no picnic being the best player in the country because you could end up being picked by the worst team in the NBA,” said college hoops analyst Seth Davis. “Really your best bet is to be a good but not great player picked in the latter part of the first round. Then you can hook up with a good organization and learn from some decent players. No offense to DeSagana Diop and Corey Maggette.”
Sources say that Davis’ coach, John Calipari, is imploring the youngster to put forth an honest effort in the upcoming tournament for the sake of his teammates.
“Calipari is pleading with him,” said a fellow SEC coach. “I don’t know if its going to help though. But this kid has agents, hangers-on, family members and well-wishers all urging him to tank the rest of the season. If I were Calipari I would sell him on the excitement of leading a team like the Bobcats out of the basement and into the playoffs. Yea! And then demanding a trade to the Knicks.”
One person who would be particularly offended by Davis' tanking is Bobcats owner Michael Jordan, who was one of the most competitive players in the history of the league.
“If this is true we wouldn’t want anything to do with the kid,” Jordan said. “We need players who want to fight every night, players who have passion. Right now we have a grand total of – let’s see – zero of those players. Although Kemba Walker runs pretty fast and hats his face – that other dude – he does get really pis sed off when he misses a dunk.”
When questioned, Davis swore he had no intentions of tanking to hurt his draft stock.
“There’s no truth to it at all,” he said. “I don’t tank. I don’t dog it. I bring my A-game every night and I’m going to prove it by destroying everything in my path this month. That being said, I do have a degenerative eye disorder and I could possibly go blind by the time I’m 25.”
Copyright 2012, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.