SAN FRANCISCO--The San Francisco Giants, currently sitting in fourth place in the NL West with a 44-61 record, held a closed-door, players only meeting on Tuesday to discuss this blonde chick who sits behind the visitor’s dugout. The chick, who looks to be around 25 and has huge knockers, has become a “top priority” for the team.

“During the course of the season, sometimes it’s important for the guys to get together on their own and sort of talk things out,” said outfielder Randy Winn. “I know a lot of us have been thinking about that young lady with the jugs who keeps showing up to home games and it was necessary for us to get it out in the open. It was pretty productive. We talked a lot about how hot she is, and discussed which of us are going to have sex with her. Obviously I can’t reveal everything that was said, but lets just say we have a pretty good game plan moving forward.”

The players also spent some time staring at cell phone pictures of the blonde beauty.

“Probably the best part of the meeting for me was looking at the pictures of her that various guys on the team have been taking,” Winn said. “It’s amazing how clear those cell phone shots can be. In one, you can actually see her nipples. And the cool thing is she’s never with a guy. Not that it matters. Any broad who shows up to a baseball game is fair game. That’s kind of an unwritten rule. Actually, it's a written rule - in the official baseball handbook, Section C, subsection 2.1.”

During the meeting, one player described a incident during a game in which he had prolonged eye contact with the blonde.

“Dude, she was totally staring at me for like 20 seconds the other night,” infielder Rich Aurillia told his teammates. “She would not stop. So I winked at her and smiled, and she winked and smiled back. Then someone hit a pop-up and I was like ‘watch this’ and I caught it with one hand and did a little flip with the glove. Then between innings I ran over and tossed the ball to her but some kid caught it, so I was like ‘give me that fucking ball’ and then I tossed it to her. Girls love that tough guy stuff.”

Manager Bruce Bochy gave his blessing to the meeting, explaining that at times, players need to get away from the manager and solve problems on their own. He hoped the meeting would result in a “renewed sense of focus” on the field.

“I’m all for players-only meetings,” Bochy said. “I think it really brings guys together. I imagine they were in there talking about their struggles on the field, encouraging each other and even airing out a few grievances. I think it’s a testament to this veteran ball club that they still care, even though they suck so bad. I don’t even care, really. The only motivation I have to come to the ballpark is this unbelievably smoking hot bitch that sits behind the visitor’s dugout.”

Copyright 2008, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.