CLEVELAND--Cavaliers GM Danny Ferry expressed disappointment this week after the Kings’ Mike Bibby was traded to the Atlanta Hawks, ending the Cavaliers long running faux-pursuit of the 29-year-old guard. With Bibby off the market, the Cavaliers will have to find another player to pretend to be interested in.

“Well so much for the whole Mike Bibby ‘pursuit,’” said Ferry. “The guy really served us well for the past few months. He was the gift that kept on giving, but it’s time to move on now. I’m thinking maybe we’ll start leaking Jermaine O'Neal rumors to the media. That actually seems more believable since he's not very good.”

Ferry admitted that whenever Lebron James grew restless about his passive approach, he would leak a Bibby rumor to the media.

“Every time Bron Bron started getting pissed, I would just email the local media as an ‘unnamed source’ and tell them we were exploring trade options with the Kings,” Ferry said. “Then the next thing you know, everybody’s talking about it. It’s all over the place. This is called ‘the tail wagging the dog.’ It works in politics and it works in sports. And the Maloof boys were totally cool with it because it got their names in the paper for something other than being vapid, star-fucking himbos.”

James has grown impatient with their inability to surround him with a quality supporting cast, but Ferry says that trading for front line talent is easier said than done.

“Hey we’d all love to have a Mike Bibby or a Pau Gasol or a Jason Kidd on our team,” he said. “But the reality is that we don’t have all the pieces to make that trade and we would have a hard time matching up the salaries anyway. And don’t forget: by being patient now, we’re setting ourselves up to be a major player in the free agent market next year. Or are we? I don’t even know. I read that on a blog somewhere. All I know for sure is we’re not getting any better this year.”

The past few weeks have been rough for the Cavs front office, with Bibby, Kidd, and Gasol all being traded to playoff contenders and the pressure mounting on them to make a move. It’s been even rougher for James, whose hopes for an NBA title this year have taken a major hit.

“We really do need a couple more pieces to win an NBA title, and it doesn’t look like we’re going to get them this year,” he said. “Jason’s gone, Bibby’s gone – even that Spanish guy is gone. We could have had him for next to nothing. But no, we’re going to stick with what we have, which is me, Boobie Gibson and the Fellowship of the Plodding. That’s what I call my supporting cast now. They actually get a kick out of it - or at least pretend to, which is good enough for me.”

On Tuesday morning, a rumor surfaced in the Cleveland Plain Dealer that the Cavs were in “serious talks” with the Pacers to acquire veteran big man Jermaine O’Neal. When reached for comment, Ferry was noncommittal.

“We don’t have anything to report right now,” he said. “We’re always trying to make our team better and sometimes that involves discussions with other clubs. Let’s just say we’re very interested in someone, and a deal could possibly be made by the trading deadline. Not this one, of course, but one of the next three or four.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.