Carlos Beltran Reminds Critics He Was Really Good During Last Year’s Playoffs

NEW YORK --The Mets Carlos Beltran has faced a lot of criticism lately. After signing a 7-year, $119 million contract in the offseason, he has batted just .262 with 9 homers and 40 RBI’s. Though he has been a major disappointment this season for the Mets, he does like to remind people how awesome he was during last year’s playoffs.

“Last year I totally kicked ass when I was with the Astros,” Beltran told reporters yesterday. “Remember the playoffs? I batted .435. I was amazing. I couldn’t do anything wrong. I carried my team through the postseason. This year is a little different. But again, let me remind you, last postseason was really great.”

Beltran’s performance last October set off a bidding war between several major league teams. The Astros desperately wanted to bring him back, but in the end the Mets had the better offer.

“It was really exciting during the offseason when everyone was bidding on me,” Beltran said. “I had a soft spot in my heart for Houston . They really embraced me while I was playing so well. I even had little kids coming up to me and pleading with me to stay in Houston . They were so cute, but they weren’t as cute as that huge contract the Mets gave me. It’s adorable! I sleep with it every night.”

When Beltran came to New York , big things were expected of him. However, he has failed to deliver and Mets fans are starting to get restless. In recent weeks he has been the target of hecklers in the Shea Stadium bleachers.

“The fans can get a little cruel sometimes,” he said. “They’re constantly shouting at me about how much money I make and how shitty I’m playing. I think it’s unfair. It hurts my feelings, too. Sometimes I wish I could go back to Houston . Those people were really nice to me. Oh well, we’ll always have the 2004 playoffs.”

What’s lost on many of the fans and media is the fact that despite his troubles, Betran’s batting average is only five percentage points lower than it was last year. It’s looking more and more like his performance during last year’s playoffs was an anomaly, a fact that has Mets GM Omar Minaya a little nervous.

“Oh shit. Oh fuck. I think I really messed up here,” said an anxious Minaya after his team’s 3-0 loss to the Marlins on Sunday. “What the hell? When is this guy going to start hitting the ball? Where is that thrilling superstar that put the Astros on his back and nearly carried them to the promised land? This guy sucks. OK, calm down, Omar. Calm down. You’re overreacting. It’s still early in the season. He just hasn’t started heating up yet. He’s trying to do too much. He’ll start to find his groove eventually and by the end of the season he’ll be all the way up to his career average of….282. .282? That’s it? I paid $119 million for .282? Maybe I should’ve checked his numbers before signing him to the richest deal in team history.”

When Beltran has a bad day at the plate, Minaya often comforts himself with footage of the 2004 pennant race.

“It helps to do that,” said Minaya. “Seriously, if he goes 0 for 4 or something, I always go home, pop in a tape of the NLCS, light up a cigar and bask in it. That’s my boy. That’s the guy I signed. Look at him round those bases. Look at the crowd cheering. He’s worth every damn penny. That was a great couple of weeks.”

Despite his poor performance, Beltran has reason to be optimistic. He is signed through the 2012 season whether he produces or not.

“The upside to all this is I’m incredibly wealthy and I’m signed for a long, long time,” said Beltran. “I could hit .230 and drive in 12 runs and they’d still have to pay me. I could call Omar Minaya a dick and they’d still have to pay me. I could walk onto the field and take a dump on the pitcher’s mound and they’d still have to pay me. In fact I might just do that. I won’t be nearly as good as the dumps I took during the playoffs last year, though. Man, those were good.”