WASHINGTON, DC--After another week of being a non-factor in the Washington Redskins defensive game plan, linebacker Lavar Arrington has decided that Joe Gibbs just doesn’t like him. In order to improve his standing in the coach’s eyes, Arrington plans to take a more disciplined approach to the game and, more importantly, break off his relationship with coach Gibbs’ wife.

Arrington has been dating Carol Gibbs for six months, and he now believes the affair is starting to sour his relationship with his coach.

“I think I’ve finally pinpointed the reason for my coach’s disdain for me,” Arrington told reporters after Sunday’s loss to the Kansas City Chiefs. “I’m pretty sure he’s pissed off at me for having an affair with his wife, Carol. We started seeing each other in the off-season and it’s gotten pretty hot and heavy lately. I don’t know. I guess this is his way of saying that we need to stop. Fine. We’ll stop. But this is awfully petty, isn’t it?”

Arrington further criticized his coach for not confronting him directly about his torrid affair with his wife.

“I can understand him being upset about the affair, but there’s a right way to do things and a wrong way,” Arrington said. “If he had a problem with me sleeping with his wife, he should’ve told me in person. It’s not like he hasn’t had the opportunity. I’m over his house every Thursday picking her up for dinner.”

Arrington’s absence from Redskins games has been a hot topic for debate all season. He was considered one of the top linebackers in the league as recently as last year. Now he is third on the depth chart and plays mainly on special teams.

While the coaching staff has publicly accused Arrington of being an undisciplined “freelance” player, many around the league suspect ulterior motives for his benching.

“There is no reason in hell Lavar should be benched. He’s one of the best in the game,” said Chiefs quarterback Trent Green. “I don’t even care if the guy’s sleeping with his coach’s wife. Who cares? It’s about the team, not individual issues. Jesus, if coach Vermeil benched every player that slept with his wife, we wouldn’t even be able to field a complete team.”

While Gibbs has refused to publicly comment on his feud with Arrington, several of his assistants have weighed in on the matter. It seems that Arrington has fallen out of favor with the coaching staff for a variety of reasons.

“Look, if Lavar wants to play defense for this team, he needs to make some adjustments to his game,” said defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. “He needs to learn how to play team defense. Right now, he just mindlessly chases the quarterback on every play—even on running plays. Lavar, it does not help to tackle the quarterback while the ball-carrier is gashing through the hole that you just left open.”

As for Arrington’s affair, Williams doubts it had anything to do with the benching.

“I’ve heard all the rumors, but I still feel like Lavar is being benched for football reasons only. Now, is it right for him to be nailing coach Gibb’s wife? No, of course not, but that’s no reason to bench him. Joe’s a bigger man than that. Actually, if he was a ‘bigger man’ we might not be having this conversation. Just kidding. Don’t tell him I said that.”

Arrington remains convinced that he’ll be allowed to start on defense now that his relationship with his coach’s wife is over.

“This is definitely going to propel me back into the starting lineup,” he said. “I’m sure of it. I can tell it was just eating away at coach Gibbs that I was sleeping his wife. Now, hopefully, the strain will be gone from our relationship and we can move forward on our goal to win a Super Bowl for the fans of Washington. As for Carol, well, she’s a great lady and I hope she finds happiness. We had a lot of laughs together. It’s just too bad she married a man prone to irrational, jealous rages.”


Copyright 2005, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.











Lavar Arrington Forced To Break It Off With Joe Gibb’s Wife

October 18 , 2005 - Volume 2 Issue 13