August 22 , 2007 - Volume 2 Issue 108

   The Brushback 2007 AFC Preview

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AFC North
    Cincinnati Bengals

                                                                  
Strength:
Every year the Bengals try to improve their defense and every year it keeps getting worse. Maybe the answer is to ignore it and just see if it goes away.

Weakness:
Carson Palmer would be wise to start sucking soon so he doesn’t end up being one of those great quarterbacks who never wins a Super Bowl.

Question Mark:
They drafted a running back in the second round who ended up tearing his ACL and is now out for the season. Terrible pick. They should have drafted someone who was actually going to play.

Cleveland Browns

Strength:
Brady Quinn put on a decent performance against the Lions' third string prevent defense, but now he must prove that he can do that against a defense that’s actually trying to stop him. Only then can he be mentioned in the same breath as every backup QB in the league.

Weakness:
Last year was Kellen Winslow’s coming out party, and I think it was very courageous of him to do that in the atmosphere of today’s NFL.

Question Mark:
Remember when the Browns had Bernie Kosar and Art Monk and they were the toast of the NFC West? No? Well, maybe it was the AFC West. Anyway, they had a winning record at some point.

 Pittsburgh Steelers

Strength:
The secondary struggled last season, mostly because the defensive line didn’t generate any pass rush. That should change this season when the line generates a much bigger pass rush and the secondary still struggles.

Weakness:
The Steelers lost Joey Porter because they were too cheap to pay him the money he deserved. That’s going to come back and bite them in the ass when they have a game against a division rival and can’t think of anything cool to yell at them during warm-ups.

Question Mark:
Will Ben Roethlisberger return to form this season? He says he’s fully healthy and ready for a big year, but he said that last year, too, and ended up getting into a motorcycle accident.

  Baltimore Ravens      

Strength:
Willis McGahee will be a huge improvement over Jamal Lewis, who hasn’t just lost a step, he’s lost hundreds of steps. He’s even lost some of McGahee’s steps.

Weakness:
They lost in the playoffs last year when they couldn’t move the ball against the worst defense in the NFL. That’s why I always say: don’t call the same play on every down. Eventually it will come back and bite you in the ass.

Question Mark:
Brian Billick won 13 games for this team last season, but I still would have fired him. 13 wins isn’t even that impressive in these days of steroids and human growth hormone.

AFC South
   Indianapolis Colts

Strength:
Joseph Addai proved last year that he can handle the load at tailback. He also proved that tailbacks are basically interchangeable and there’s no point in giving him a long-term deal. He must have very mixed emotions right now.

Weakness:
The defense is looking to do a better job at stopping the run this year, and the key to stopping the run is attitude. Also, enormous fat asses with quick feet.

Question Mark:
Who would you rather have in the clutch, Tom Brady or Peyton Manning? If you answered that question at all, I hate you.

Houston Texans

Strength:
They tried the running back by committee approach last year and it didn’t work, probably because the chairman of the committee was Wali Lundy. If Wali Lundy is the chairman of your committee, you might want to adjourn for lunch and never come back.

Weakness:
The offensive line is using that zone blocking scheme now, which had a great track record until the Texans got hold of it. Now it will probably be obsolete in a few years, along with the quarterback and defensive lineman positions.

Question Mark:
Everything about the Texans sucks, but that doesn’t mean the fans should be concerned. We’re all going to be dead in a few years anyway.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Strength:
GM James Harris was wise to sign receiver Dennis Northcutt, because he's such a no-talent that simply releasing him will vastly improve the team.

Weakness:
They lost a guy name Deon in the off-season, which means they got considerably slower. However, they also lost a guy named Kyle, so maybe they'll cancel each other out.

Question Mark:
David Garrard will be the starter on this team by Week 8. By Week 9, Byron Leftwich will be the starter again.

Tennessee Titans

Strength:
The powerful offensive line should definitely be able to open up some running lanes for LenDale White to fall into. They shouldn’t worry about gaining yards. Opening up lanes is its own reward.

Weakness:
Jeff Fisher is in a contract year, which means he’s only going to be concerned about his precious won/loss record and not the good of the team.

Question mark:
They may have lost their two best wide receivers, but they can easily be replaced by evaluating the remaining group and determining which two are the best.

AFC East
   Buffalo Bills

Strength:
The best way for J.P. Losman to make his teammates better is to stay the hell off the field. Sometimes it’s the little things that don’t show up on the stat sheet that make all the difference.

Weakness:
They should have done more to keep Nate Clements in the fold, like offer him a $100 million contract, making him the highest paid defender in history. That would have made him feel wanted, and only cost them around $18 million.

Question Mark:
Marv Levy is still kicking despite being 82-years old. When I get to his age I hope I’m doing the same thing, except with a better team.

New England Patriots

Strength:
The Patriots may win the Super Bowl this year, but they have sold their soul in the process, which is still way better than keeping your soul and being the Cleveland Browns.

Weakness:
If Asante Samuel can’t come to an agreement with the Patriots, he will have to play for $8 million next year. I can't imagine the horror of having that hanging over your head. The amount of suffering in the world is just unfathomable. It is time for the arising of a new consciousness.

Question Mark:
Is Rodney Harrison 100 percent healthy? It appears so, but there’s a chance he could get injured again, so in that sense he, and every other player in the NFL, is a major question mark.

Miami Dolphins     

Strength:
Cam Cameron should be able to get some production out of the offense if Trent Green can stay healthy and the line can block. Even if they can't, he’ll still be an offensive whiz in my book. My book is called Stuff That Isn’t True.

Weakness:
The Dolphins pass protection is horrible, but they don’t really have anybody worth protecting, so in a sense it's not really a weakness.

Question mark:
The coaches should make the whole team do extra up-downs every time third-year fullback Kyle Eckel screws up. That will teach him to be a third-year fullback.

New York Jets 

Strength:                                                        
The team is being pretty hush-hush about Thomas Jones’ leg injury. In fact, they won’t even tell Jones what’s wrong with him. He’s going around thinking he has an arm injury.

Weakness:
Chad Pennington has a weak arm, but he can improve that by going down to the Y and doing some curls. You’d be surprised have fast they build your muscles. Then he should learn how to throw.

Question Mark:
Darrelle Revis is a shut-down cornerback, which means teams will probably be passing on the Jets way less and running on them way more, and their run defense isn’t that great, so the selection of Revis was a puzzling one.

AFC West
  Kansas City Chiefs

Strength:                                                       
Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle continue to battle it out for the least desirable starting job in the NFL. When the smoke clears, one of them will fade into oblivion, and the other will be the backup.          

Weakness:
It must be tough being a Chiefs receiver because they rarely pass the ball and when they do you're too shitty to catch it.

Question Marks:
The Chiefs have an incredibly difficult schedule this year which features 16 professional football teams. To make it fair, they should make some of the teams play without a quarterback so they won’t win by as many points.

 Oakland Raiders     

Strength:
The Raiders defense was fine last year so they should totally ignore it and just focus on the offense. I wouldn’t even have the defense come to practice. That’s just preaching to the choir.

Weakness:
The offense moved the ball well last year, but they moved it backward. This year they're going to move it sideways, and next year they’re going to start inching forward. That’s Lane Kiffin’s blueprint anyway.

Question mark:
JaMarcus Russell is still holding out despite being offered $30 million in guaranteed money. That may not seem like a lot right now, but he should keep in mind that the dollar is worth more in Canada, where he’ll be playing in three years.

San Diego Chargers

Strength:
Craig Davis was drafted to help shore up the wide receiving unit, but they shouldn’t expect much out of him in his rookie year. In fact, they should just sit him on the bench until his second year, then sit him on the bench again to avoid the sophomore slump.

Weakness:
Brett Elliot is listed as their emergency quarterback, and I’ve never even heard of the guy. If Rivers and his top three backups go down, this offense could be in big trouble.

Question Mark:
If the Chargers don’t win the Super Bowl this year, it might be time to break up the team and start over again. There’s no excuse for not winning the Super Bowl. All 32 teams should win it every year.

Denver Broncos         

Strength:
They should bring Jake Plummer out of retirement to sign one of those one-day contracts, and then cut him before the day is over. That would send a message to the rest of the team that they have a great sense of humor.

Weakness:
Mike Shanahan seems to think Jay Cutler is the answer at QB. Maybe, but his recent drug conviction isn’t very encouraging. What, there was no drug conviction? Whatever, I’m not a private detective.

Question Mark:

I don’t have much else to say about the Broncos, so I’ll end with this: the Titans are my sleeper to win the Super Bowl this year.

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission.                                                                    '07 NFC PREVIEW