Sportscentury Producers Urge Vin Baker To Make Triumphant Return From Alcohol Addiction

BOSTON, MA - Producers of the popular ESPN documentary show Sportscentury are urging Vin Baker to make a triumphant return from his alcohol addiction. The troubled Celtics star has spent most of this season battling his problem, but sources say his very own Sportscentury episode is ready to go as soon as the happy ending is in place. Dan Bowen, executive producer of the series, has contacted Baker’s representatives in an effort to expedite the healing process in time for the new season.

“We really just want to extend our condolences to the whole Baker family, and wish him the speediest of recoveries,” said Bowen. “His story would be so inspirational if only he would stop drinking, find Jesus, and become an all-star again. It would be nice if he went around the country preaching about the dangers of alcohol abuse, too. That always makes for a nice closing sequence, as the string music swells majestically in the background.”

Bowen says the ESPN family was so taken with Baker’s story that they’ve already completed three quarters of the episode. At the beginning of the season, it looked as though Baker had come full circle, but he fell off the wagon last month and has been slow to get back on.

“Two months ago, we were putting the finishing touches on this thing,” said Bowen. “He was averaging a double-double, his teammates were saying great things about him - we got some great quotes from Paul Pierce here. And just before it was ready to air – boom. He’s out again indefinitely. Indefinitely! We’ve got a show to produce here. Let’s go, Vin, time to get your shit together.”

Baker insists he is fully recovered and ready to get back on the floor, but his teammates and coaches say otherwise. The lanky 7-footer is still grappling with his demons, and it could be a while before he’s back with the team.

“Vin has a lot to deal with right now, and we’re being real patient with him,” said Celtics Director of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge. “Alcoholism is a serious problem that takes time to fully recover from. We want him to get his personal life in order before he gets back on the basketball court. He won’t be back a moment sooner. Sportscentury will just have to wait. In the meantime, how about a Danny Ainge episode? Come on, I won 2 championships with the Celtics, tried coaching in Phoenix, failed miserably, then came full circle in leading the rebuilding of the Celtics. It’s got a nice dramatic arc, doesn’t it? Sounds like a winner to me. Hell, I even smoked some weed in the 80’s, if they wanna throw that in there.”

Baker’s teammates have voiced strong support for him but quietly remain doubtful that the former University of Hartford standout will ever be the same again.

“I love Vin like a brother,” said Paul Pierce. “I support him 100 percent, and if he ever needs anything he knows he can call me. That being said, I’m a little worried about him. He isn’t the strongest person I’ve ever met, and he keeps taking one step forward and two steps back. If I was one of those Sportscentury producers, I’d start looking elsewhere – like me, for instance. I’ve overcome plenty of adversity. I’m a fucking inspiration.”

Vin’s family has provided him with plenty of love and support, too. His mom, Vera McKay, says that no matter what happens she’ll always be proud of her son.

“Vin has put us through the ringer emotionally. It has been a roller coaster ride all right. Sometimes I just don’t know if I can take one more day of it. But my philosophy is this: As long as he gets one of them cool Sportscentury episodes, it’s all worth it. I just hope he tells those producers how I raised him alone and worked two jobs and always made him do his homework before he went out and played basketball, and that I was a gentle but firm matriarchal figure who shaped the man he is today with my tough love. I can even write it down on index cards for him, if he can’t remember.”

Baker, when reached for comment, claimed to be doing “everything in his power” to get back on track so Bowen and ESPN can have their story.

“Hey, man, I’m trying. You think this is easy? I wake up every morning craving a drink and go to bed every night craving one. But I’m not about to give in now. I’ve worked long and hard to assemble the pieces for a kick ass episode of Sportscentury, and I wont stop until its done. My life has already had a fascinating first three acts, but the fourth act is what makes everything come together. I’ll get there. Don’t worry. By the grace of God my life will have an entertaining and inspiring last act.”

Bowen agrees with Baker. The first three acts are important, but they mean nothing without the big ending.

“All the ingredients are there for a great story,” said Bowen. “We’ve got his childhood in Florida, his abusive dad, his long hours shooting free throws through an old wood crate nailed to a telephone pole – OK, we made that part up. Fuck you, its called poetic license. Then we drove through his old hometown of Lake Wales and filmed a bunch of street kids playing hoops in the soft glow of an August afternoon. The voice over is saying ‘Lake Wales is a decaying factory town outside Orlando…blah blah blah.’ Anyway, we’ve got the rise to stardom at the University of Hartford. We got all kinds of people to say glowing things about him. You should hear these people. You’d think he was the second coming of Wilt Chamberlain. But that’s the idea. You must build him up first and then get ready for the big fall.”

The big fall happened when Baker left the Bucks to play for the Seattle Supersonics. It was then that Baker’s demon first reared its ugly head.

“Poor Vin. Those demons just wouldn’t stay down for long,” said Bowen. “But it’s all good, because we love when people wrestle with demons. As long as they win, of course. I mean, we can’t end the story with, ‘And the loser is still sucking down Jack Daniels in his tiny cramped apartment. The end.’ It’s gotta be more like ‘And Vin Baker finally found his peace of mind.’ And then Vin talking about how he’s just taking it one day at a time, and how the whole experience has made him stronger, etc, etc. You know the drill. Anyway, it’s all set except for the ending. Come on, Vin. Get back on the wagon.”