Umpiring Crew Convenes To Determine What The Hell Tony Pena Just Said

CHICAGO--During Saturday’s game between the Kansas City Royals and Chicago White Sox, the umpiring crew was forced to hold a conference to determine what the hell Royals Manger Tony Pena just said.

“He was arguing something. I think it was a called strike but I’m not sure,” said crew chief Tim Mclelland. “He came running out of the dugout and yelled something. I made out the word ‘low,’ so I’m assuming he thought the pitch was low. Then again, who knows?”

Pena, a Dominican, speaks English but with a thick Spanish accent that often makes it difficult for players and umpires to understand him. In Saturday’s game, a third strike was called on Royals outfielder Michael Tucker, and Pena immediately charged out of the dugout. After yelling a few words to Mclelland, the crew chief shrugged and looked around to his crewmates. After a brief moment, the crew convened along the third base line to discuss the situation.

“I thought he might have said ‘The ball was low, motherfucker.’ But the third base coach Tim Tchida thought he said ‘That pitch was low, darn the luck.’ And the first base coach Cole Buckner thought it was ‘My car’s been towed, follow that truck.’”

In the end the crew determined that he was complaining about the location of the called strike and Mclellend ejected Pena from the game. Pena then went on another tirade, which further perplexed the umpires.

“He was really very emotive and demonstrative,” said Mclelland. “He obviously had a point to make. I almost felt sorry for him. Once he started yelling, I had no chance. I think he might have slipped into Spanish a couple times, but I’m not sure.”

According to players present, Mclelland summoned Royals shortstop Angel Berroa, a fellow Dominican, to help translate, but to no avail.

Said Berroa: “I understand English, and I understand Spanish. But what he was speaking was no language I've ever heard. It was sort of a combination of English and Spanish. He sounded like a Latino guy who swallowed an electronic translator.”

Other teammates who were interviewed voiced similar opinions of their coach’s unique dialect. First basemen Mike Sweeney says that while Pena is a great coach and a warmhearted human being, nobody on the team really has a clue what he’s saying.

“Tony’s one of the kindest people I've ever met…I think” says Sweeney. “Hell, for all I know he could be calling me a piece of shit when I think he’s telling me to pinch hit.”

Fortunately for Pena and the team, his unique style of speaking has not adversely affected the team’s performance. In fact, they’re still in first place in the division.

“He’s an excellent coach,” says Desi Relaford, 2nd baseman. “He really knows the game. I can pick up on some of the points he makes once in a while, and they’re usually really good. But a lot of times he’ll be standing there giving you instruction, and you’re just clueless. He’s gesturing and all, but it's not helping much. Although one time he was saying something and making a swinging motion with his hands. I realized that he was telling me to choke up on the bat. So I did. And it worked. I got a base hit.”

As for Pena, he doesn’t appear to let his communication problems bother him. He seems to be fine with the fact that some of his players don’t understand him, and laughs it off when the subject is brought up.

Said Pena: “I yust tink dat bayball iss game whe jou don af comun’cae wid wohds bu’ wid ayuns. I kno my playz respe’ me. An I respe’ dem. And hop’fy we gan wi divsn hgt pluq zwelz zx#rsp. Ptxlzeq!”

Nobody can be sure exactly what the hell Pena was saying, but judging from his warm smile and casual demeanor, the coach was anything but worried.