BOSTON--Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo finally got the long term contract extension he was waiting for over the weekend, and is now guaranteed $55 million over the next five years. With his future secure, the 23-year-old has relaxed a little and allowed himself to gain 70 pounds over the past 48 hours.

Rondo, however, says that weight gain has nothing to do with his new contract.

“I guess I have put on a few pounds over the past day or so,” said Rondo, between bites of a blueberry muffin. “It’s nothing to be worried about. It’s just that I had a big dinner with my family to celebrate the deal, then I had another one with my girlfriend, then I ate some more when I get home just for fun. I’m going to …Jesus, this is the best blueberry muffin I’ve ever tasted. Who wants to get me a dozen more of these? Anyone? I’ll give you a thousand bucks.”

Rondo, now weighing in at 255, doesn’t believe the extra pounds will affect his speed or leaping ability.

“I think I’ll be just as fast as I’ve always been,” Rondo said. “I can still run, and I’m actually a little stronger than I was before. This is only a temporary thing anyway. I do plan on getting on the old treadmill and working myself back into shape – after the holidays, of course.”

Sources say Rondo's eating started immediately after he signed his name on the dotted line. Before the ink was even dry, Rondo was munching on a family-size fun bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

“It’s like he was waiting for pen to be put to paper,” the source said. “As soon as he signed his name – boom – out comes the bag of Doritos, the big one, the family size, the granddaddy of em’ all, and he just starts eating, spilling crumbs all over Danny’s desk. Then he says “this money – it’s all guaranteed, right?” and Danny says yes, and so he picks up a bowl of hard candies that were on Danny's desk and pours them down his throat, wrappers and all.”

Celtics officials are downplaying Rondo’s weight gain and say they are satisfied with his commitment following his big contract extension.

“Rondo remains as committed as ever to this team,” said team president Danny Ainge. “He just needs to cut down on the junk food and put in a little more time in the weight room. The only thing that does concern me – and this is only a minor concern, really – is that he screamed out “who cares” during the last team meeting and then walked up to the front of the room, laid down at Doc’s feet and went to sleep. But I'm probably reading too much into that. He was probably just tired from all the eating. ”

Copyright 2009, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.