New Girlfriend Weirded Out By Derek Jeter Fanpage

ANTWERP, NY--Catherine Wheeler of Antwerp, NY was reportedly “weirded out” upon discovering that her new boyfriend has his own fanpage dedicated to Yankees star Derek Jeter. The boyfriend, Carl Mellon, revealed the fanpage last Saturday during a dinner at his apartment.

“During dinner we were talking about the Internet and stuff,” explained Wheeler, 29. “I was telling him how I know nothing about computers, and he said he was really into them. He said he’s designed a few websites. When I asked him which ones, he brought me into his room and pulled up this Derek Jeter thing. I was like ‘OK. I guess he’s a big fan of Derek Jeter.’”

Wheeler’s initial reaction to the fanpage was curiosity. Knowing little about the Internet and virtually nothing about web design, she questioned Mellon about how much time he spent maintaining the site.

“As soon as he told me he spends about 10 hours a week on his Derek Jeter fanpage, I was a little freaked out. 10 hours a week? That’s a lot. I mean, how much can you possibly like Derek Jeter? And what’s the point of having a fanpage, to let the world know you love Derek Jeter?”

The site, www.JeterRocks.net, has been up for close to two years and is, according to Wheeler, “pretty elaborate”. The front page features a giant close-up headshot of Jeter with his batting helmet on, blowing a bubble. A caption below reads: The pulse of the Yankees! This is your one stop source for all things Derek Jeter. Images, quotes, links, trivia – we’ve got it all. Coming soon: shots of Jeter out on the town with sweetheart Lara Dutta!

The bottom of the page features a ticker that scrolls by with factoids about the star shortstop.
“God, how much time went into this thing?” Wheeler recalls asking herself. “And how can a grown man be so obsessed with a baseball player? I really like this guy, but I had to stop and try to visualize him sitting in front of his PC uploading facts about Derek Jeter. He must be pretty obsessed to know all that stuff. He even told me he was working on a message board so the ‘Derek Jeter fan community could have a place to meet and chat about all things Derek.’ Ew. Weird.”

Mellon, 32, insists there is nothing weird about the website. He says he is just a big Jeter fan who started the site as a hobby.

“I’ve always appreciated the talent of Derek Jeter and how much he brings to the table when he takes the field,” said Mellon. “Some people are into cars, some people are into music – I’m into Derek Jeter.”

“The main reason for creating this site was to put my appreciation for the man into words and images,” he continued. “There are thousands of people just like me out there, and they want a one-stop place where they can get their Jeter fix. Believe me, I get tons of emails every day telling me what a great job I do. But it’s just a hobby. I’m not obsessed with the guy or anything.”

Wheeler begs to differ. After browsing the site briefly at Mellon’s house, she probed more deeply the following day at work. Among the horrors she discovered was a Derek Jeter quiz, a Derek Jeter opinion poll, details about a Jeter look- alike contest and worst of all, poems about Derek Jeter.

“Oh, God no. Oh, God no,” Wheeler thought to herself as she peeled away layer after layer of creepiness. “What have I gotten into? I clicked on this ‘Rate Derek Jeter’ thing, and you know what? It was all 10’s. That was the only option. How about that Derek Jeter look-alike contest? How obsessed can someone be? But the worst, by far, were the poems. Ugh.”

According to Wheeler, the heading for the poetry page read “If you have written any poems or stories about Derek Jeter, no matter how long or short, please send it to me and I will gladly post it up with your name for credit!” Three poems were posted, and two were penned by Mellon himself. The third was written by a 14 year-old girl named Melissa.

An excerpt from one of Mellon’s poems: The Yankees are down to their last out/ In the stands you can hear the fan's shouts/’Next up, number 2, Derek Jeter,’ sounds Bob Shepards's voice, powerful and deep/ For a second there is a silence; no one makes a peep, Because as Derek begins to step to the plate/ Everyone knows he holds the Yankees' fate.

“Oh for fucks sake, that is so gay,” Wheeler said. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m not dating a guy who is more into Derek Jeter than he is me. Would he write a poem about me? Actually, I hope he doesn’t, because he’s obviously not a very good poet.”

“ I’m not Shakespeare,” claimed Mellon. “I never said I was. It’s just something I came up with during the 2001 World Series. I was watching it at home and as soon as Jeter stepped to the plate and Bob Shepard’s deep, baritone voice announced his name, this electricity came over the crowd that I could feel all the way from my couch. When I saw him saunter up to the dish, I was inspired to capture the moment in a poem. Excuse me for living, OK? I’m not the first person to write a poem about him, you know. This 15-year-old girl Melissa is always sending me stuff, too.”

Unfortunately for Mellon, Wheeler has already made up her mind to break off the short relationship.

“Its over,” said Wheeler. “Nothing against the guy, but this is all a little too creepy for me. I’m haunted by visions of Carl sitting up in the wee hours of the morning chatting about Derek Jeter. It’s disappointing, because he really seemed like the most normal guy I’ve met in a while. Boy was I wrong. I guess my ex-boyfriend’s painkiller addiction wasn’t so bad after all.”

As for Mellon, he says he has no plans to cease working on his Derek Jeter fanpage.

“It’s my pride and joy. I work hard on this thing so I’m not about to take it down because some girl wants me to. I guess I was wrong to tell her so soon. I knew she wouldn’t understand. Can’t a guy be a fan of Derek Jeter? There are worse people to build a website around. He’s so down to earth and friendly, and he always helps those less fortunate then him. And he never judges people or looks down on them for any reason – which is more than I can say for my girlfriend, Cathy Wheeler.”