NEW YORK--As the possibility of an agreement between the NFL and the Player’s union grows more remote with each passing day, fans are now faced with the prospect of a lockout in the year 2011. The threat of such a lockout, combined with a lingering recession and a colder than average winter, has many Americans wondering if God has it in for them.
why? Haven't we enough to deal with, with these nippy temperatures and year-long recession? This is too much to bear. It kinds of makes you think: have we done something wrong as a nation? Have we sinned? Does God really hate us this much? Maybe this is a warning that we need to repent or something.”
Without the five-month long football season every year, many Americans’ lives would be completely devoid of meaning or purpose. A lockout would rob most of the nation of anything to look forward to and any reason to wake up in the morning.
“If there’s a God, all I can say is he sure hates America,” said blogger Timothy Spaulding. “To take away football is the cruelest cut of all. And we’re ill-prepared to deal with it. If something like that were to happen here…I don’t even want to think about it. It would be a disaster. And shame on the NFL for this. You don’t get people hopelessly, pathetically addicted to your product and then rip it away from them like this.”
The last time there was a work stoppage in the NFL was during the players’ strike of 1987. That year, replacement players were used for a three-week period until regular players returned to work and finished the season.
Experts say there are vast differences by that work stoppage and the one that could take place in 2011.
“The similarities are really pretty nil,” said CNBC’s Darren Rovell. “You’re talking about losing a few games versus losing an entire season. And you’re also talking about the casual fandom of 1987 versus the intense, all-immersive, 24-hour obsession of the present day. It really is a multi-billion dollar industry. If we lose that, even for a year, it will be proof positive that God hates Americans. God, why have you forsaken us?”
Despite the growing panic about a work stoppage, some Americans are trying putting a happier face on the looming disaster.
“It might be a blessing in disguise,” said a caller to Mike and Mike in the Morning. “Maybe instead of watching football on Sundays I can go outside and talk to my neighbors, or maybe drive to Rochester and visit my parents. Or maybe start going to church again. They say that in a time of crisis, people turn to prayer. Whatever the case, I think we’re going to emerge from this crisis a stronger country, just like we’ve never done before after a crisis.”
Copyright 2010, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
Threat Of NFL Lockout Has Americans Wondering If God Has It In For Them
|January 21, 2010|