TORONTO--In what has been termed a “tasteful display of constructive criticism”, Toronto Blue Jays fans showered the Baltimore Orioles with some of their trademark polite heckling during last Saturday’s game at Skydome.

“Excuse me Pat Hentgen,” called a soft voice from the box seats on the first base line. “I hate to disturb you while you’re trying to pitch, but your fastball is obviously inadequate against our powerhouse lineup. If I were you, I’d go back to Baltimore...which, by the way, is lovely this time of year."

Canadian baseball fans are world renowned for their polite demeanor and pleasant temperament, and opposing teams have experienced that first hand in their visits to Skydome.

“I was pitching pretty bad,” says Hentgen, Saturday’s starting pitcher for Baltimore. “My fastball didn’t have any zip on it. I figured I would start getting it from the fans after Delgado and Vernon Wells got me with back to back dingers. Well, I was right. They were all over me. But they were really nice about it.”

Another player tells of his experience in right field at Skydome:

“Playing right field is always tough because you got the fans right there,” said Jay Gibbons. “Usually they get shitfaced and really lay into you. You’ve got to have thick skin. But these Toronto fans, at least they’re polite. I remember one lady said ‘Well you look like a very nice young man, but as a baseball player, you are seriously lacking in the skills it takes to beat our Blue Jays.’ That one hurt, but not as bad as that guy last week in Boston who called me a pigfucker.”

Although the fans are usually polite in their heckling, some players seem bothered by the constant barrage of criticism, saying that it occasionally rings a little too true.

“I was pitching here in May, and really getting beat up,” says Boston pitcher John Burkett. “They were hitting everything I threw at them. Then all of a sudden this guy from the stands calls out ‘Your curve ball has lost it’s bite and you’re probably too old to get it back, my friend.’ Whoa. That one hit a little too close to home. I think I’d rather just be called an asshole.”

But the players in Toronto insist that not all the fans are so polite and pleasant. According to several members of the team, some fans do get a little cruel sometimes, even in a mild mannered city like Toronto.

“Oh, I know people here are usually pretty nice, but we’ve got our share of whackos too,” says manager Carlos Tosca. “There’s one lady, a season ticket holder who sits behind the dugout, who is constantly harassing the opposing team. I’ve seen some guys get really rattled. We like to call her ‘The Dragon Lady’”

“The Dragon Lady”, otherwise known as Phyllis Lebeau, has been a season ticket holder ever since Skydome was built in 1991. She has become notorious in Toronto for her scathing insults and cruel put-downs, but she claims she has every right to voice her opinion.

“Hey, I paid for my ticket, so I can heckle all I want,” Lebeau claims. “I can be really cruel, though, I admit. One time the Seattle Mariners were in town and they had a rookie catcher, and I was giving him the business all night. At one point, he ran back to the fence to catch a foul ball, and I really laid into him. I waited till he caught the ball, of course, because I didn’t want to distract him. But as soon as he did I said ‘That was a nice catch, son, but I seriously doubt you have the necessary talent to compete at a major league level. Perhaps you should go back to Triple A and hone your skills a little further.’ I know, I know, sometimes I go too far, but what the heck? If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”

Occasionally, the crowds can get unruly. During a game against the hated New York Yankees last month, a dispute arose over a call at first base. Apparently the first base umpire called Derek Jeter safe on a close play in the tenth inning. Carlos Tosca ran out of the dugout and engaged in a heated exchange with the umpire, but to no avail. It was then that the unruly crowd began showering the field with debris and trash.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it ‘showering’,” said Ron Fitzsimmons, a fan in attendance. “I mean, I threw a beer on the field, but it was in a paper cup. Actually, I emptied the beer out first just so it wouldn’t spill on anyone, because it does stain if you get it in your clothes. And then I reached over the wall and gently placed it on the field of play, in foul territory of course.”

In addition, several fans began chanting “This is highly unfair! This is highly unfair!” and hurled insults at the first base umpire himself, Joe West.

Says West: “They started screaming things like ‘Weren’t you properly trained in the rules of the game?’ and ‘Don’t you know, sir, that the throw clearly beat the runner?’ One drunk got guy up and yelled ‘I don’t mean to pry, but where did you get your training? At a school for the blind?’ Yea, it was annoying, but it wasn’t as bad as that time in Cleveland when a bunch of fans attacked me in the parking lot and beat me within an inch of my life.”