BOSTON--Dr. Lewis Litwack, a surgeon at Mass General Hospital in Boston, made waves yesterday when he performed an outrageous celebratory dance after a successful pancreas removal. Litwack maintains it was just harmless fun, but the hospital directors are weighing a fine and possible suspension for his actions.

“This is not acceptable behavior,” said Mass General Vice-President Luther Vincente. “While we acknowledge Dr. Litwack’s right to express himself, we feel that the celebration was excessive and inappropriate considering the serious nature of the medical procedure.”

Litwack had done celebratory dances in the past, but none as elaborate and choreographed as his latest. Members of the staff seem to admire Litwack, but even his staunchest supporters are having trouble defending him this time.

“Dr. Litwack is a funny guy,” said staff member Laura Ingles, a registered nurse who assisted with the procedure. “Usually, after a job well done he’ll high five everyone in the room and maybe pump his fist a little, but that’s what makes him a fun and likeable guy to work with. However, this latest display was too much. He was dancing and carrying on while poor Gladys [McBain, Litwack’s patient] was laying their unconscious with her guts hanging out. That freaked me out a little.”

According to Ingles, when McBain’s pancreas was successfully removed, Litwack grabbed the organ, held it over his head for everyone to see, and spiked it on the floor, splattering blood and debris around the room. After that, he pounded his fist against his chest and shouted “Boo yea! Who’s your daddy! There’s one pancreas that won’t be causing pain and discomfort for Mrs. McBain anymore, bitch!”

“Talk about arrogant. He’s supposed to be a professional,” said Ingels. “It really made me sick to see him drawing so much attention to himself when it was supposedly a team effort. Also, it’s indecent. He should at least wait till the patient is sewn up before chucking her vital organs around the room.”

But Litwack wasn’t finished. After the chest thumping and shouting, he reportedly left the room and ran down the hall into the crowded emergency room lobby. With blood still splattered on his hands and clothes, he stood atop a coffee table and began preening and flexing his muscles as if posing for a camera. He then took his red-stained coat off and threw it to a young boy sitting with his mother, before skipping back to the operating room.

“You can tell the whole thing was choreographed,” Ingels explained. “And I think that’s what’s pissing everyone off. Nobody minds a little spontaneous dancing in the operating room, but when you run out to the lobby and start posing, you’ve crossed a line.”

Witnesses say they were alarmed by Litwack’s appearance and dismayed at the behavior of one of the hospital’s top surgeons.

“I jumped a mile when he came running out,” says witness Marie Garcia. “I thought it was some madman, but then I realized he was dressed like a doctor, and I thought ‘What the fuck?’”

“Then he stood up on the table,” Garcia continued. “He was pretending to pose, you know, fixing up his hair and making all these faces like he was posing for some beefcake calendar. He must’ve been real happy about removing that pancreas. I guess he just likes to express himself.”

But did Litwack go to far? The consensus around the hospital is a resounding yes.

“This is a smear on our profession,” said Dr. Sanjay Mehta, Chief Resident of the Radiology Dept. “When I became a doctor thirty years ago, you just did the operation and that was it. You handed the scalpel back to your nurse, washed your hands, and called it a day. Now it’s all about 'me me me'. I just feel sorry for Mrs. McBain. Imagine having your pancreas spiked like a football.”

For his part, Litwack says he fully expects to be fined, but it was worth it.

“Hey, I’m just the kind of person who likes to express himself. This place frowns on that because they’re so old fashioned. Who did I hurt? Nobody. In fact, I think the majority of people in the emergency room lobby were entertained. Well, everyone except for the guy with the blood geysering out of his arm socket, but he was probably pretty miserable to begin with. Maybe I brightened his day with my irreverent antics.”

Dr. Litwack isn’t the only surgeon who has been in trouble for post-surgical celebrations. A few weeks ago, Dr. Marvin Rembrant of Atlanta General Hospital made waves when he took an etherized female patient in his arms and engaged in a deep tongue kiss with her after successfully removing a tumor from her neck. Rembrant was not punished for his actions, and experts insist his transgression was less severe than Litwack’s.

“Yes, I heard all about Rembrant,” said Vincente. “Sure, jamming your tongue down the throat of an unconscious female patient is a little excessive, but the difference is he kept it in the operating room. He didn’t run out to the lobby and start preening and posing. That guy was just happy to have completed the surgery, and the kiss was a spontaneous display of emotion. Can’t fault somebody for that.”

As the Mass General board of directors convenes to discuss Litwack’s punishment, it’s becoming all the more clear that he will face more than a fine. Vincente seems bent on making an example of Litwack and preventing others from following his lead.

“We have to send a message to all the surgeons out there who find this kind of behavior appropriate,” said Vincente. “That message is: ‘Hey, a pancreas may seem like a fun thing to toss around, but it’s actually a vital organ. Even if it’s been removed and no longer serves its purpose, that doesn’t mean you can throw it like a football.’ That’s it. That’s the message. Maybe I should re-word it.”

Despite the controversy, Litwack is unrepentant. He says he has no plans to change his behavior, regardless of the punishment.

“I am who I am. They want to deprive you of your ability to express yourself, but I can’t change and I don’t wanna change. Why should I? Isn’t the whole point of performing surgery to promote yourself and sell yourself? OK, it’s also about saving lives and stuff, but why can’t we have a little fun, too? The brass, they want to turn this into a ‘no fun hospital’, a place where a man isn’t free to express his individuality through elaborately choreographed dance routines. Well fuck that. Lewis Litwack is nobody’s slave, and no matter how much they fine me, I’m still gonna act like an idiot.”